you are never tired....you are just sleepy

I realized a little while ago that this is the first time in ages that I have been to a gay-bar twice in one week.I think I might be getting old or something.Last night I went to the Pumping Station for the first time since it was the Pipeline.It is quite a bit more upscale than I remember it.Patrik (my gay-boyfriend) was in town,so Boss,LL,Erin(the enforcer) and I were in rather silly getups and we went as his entourage.There was a leather-daddy reunion going on,it was all rather interesting...but they did play play some music(or at least the extended dance mixes,I should say) that really made me think of dancing on top of speakers when I was way too young to be in a club.Eventually the ladies and I ran away to the more familiar territory of SSG and danced to michael jackson and I drank myself silly.

Last Sunday I was in a little gay-bar in New Orleans called the 700 club(which I thought was just hilarious and ironic)They mixed very mighty drinks and had a really nice motif,very loungy-loungy,not too loud and had the powder rooms marks as adam and steve.They were showing old videos that also made me feel like I should be flashing a fake id.There was one song in particular that they played that made me soooo nostalgic for the late 80's/early 90's.It made me miss my old best friend Bailey.He died in '91 of aids.Back then the treatments were nothing like they are now and it took him away so fast.We did have fun though.He loved dressing me up in all manner of outrageous outfits and would tell people that I was his daughter(he was an elder queen)He changed my attitude quite a bit.He taught me so much.

I loved the nineties.I was always up to something.I was never at a loss for something to do.I think that is why the song Being boring by the petshop boys got to me the way that it did that night.It just really sums up what I was feeling back then.I traveled constantly and I was surrounded by characters.People weren't always going on about the end of the world.We didn't care if nothing came of our decadent lifestyles.We were just having a good time.I am not saying that that bad things didn't happen,I am just saying that there were so many good times that they took up more space than the bad times.I guess that it was more about outlook.either way,this really says it all.....

Now I sit with different faces
In rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing
Some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties
I never dreamt that I would get to be
The creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You'd be sitting somewhere here with me'
Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend

I had a fantastic time in New Orleans with my sisters.We had a whole courtyard to ourselves at st Peter House,and we made full use of it.There were moments when I thought that I would drop from walking all over the quarter.I think we covered every street,and some of them twice.I should have known once I saw that guide book that Boss was carrying that we would end up seeking things out by address rather than my usual method of wandering until something of interest presents itself.Intuition is my guidebook.She also had maps and some huge computer print out with parts highlighted.I was a little afraid,but everything turned out alright.we found a couple of quiet local bars close to the hotel for the drinking.As usual,I feel like I am so worn out that it's ridiculous,but I have another few days off before I go back to work.

I am just happy to be on vacation.lovelove!

let me tell you brother,she's been sleeping in the devil's bed....

I had a weird realization and a strange memory sprang up at me apon waking this morning.It's just funny.I guess I need to explain first how this came about.I went out last night with a couple of friends to the Buccaneer,this little dive bar on a rather dark section of Monroe.One of them had just broken up with her girlfriend,two of them are blissfully married,the other(Shadow) is not very blissfully married to a woman who recently stopped taking her birth control,because she decided that she wants a baby(though they had decided in the beginning not to procreate)So he got sneaky and scheduled a vascectomy for a day when she would be out of town(today) and he was having one last night out with balls intact.It was all very very silly and we were all a little shmaltzy,and playing all manner of crazy songs on the fantastic jukebox.(I am a fan of the old style jukebox,rather than these new-fangled internet jukeboxes)

Then we find out that Pezz is playing.This is a punk band that (in various incarnations) has been playing the Memphis scene since I was in highschool.I ended up talking to a couple of guys that I used to hang out with back in the "antenna club"days.One of them I have known since he was pretty much a little kid.So we start talking and he tells me he cannot remember meeting me,that I have just always been around(I used to hang out with his older brother) eventually it becomes a rundown of where folks have ended up.He told me that one of our old friends,Joey, is now the preacher at his church.You have to understand that I remember when they were a bunch of dirty little punk boys.Now Joey is a man-fisher.So weird.So we go on gabbing until Shadow accidentally dumps a full glass of beer on me.I decided to go home and get out of my soggy clothes rather than accompany everyone to the lesbian bar that replaced the jungle on Madison.

I woke up this morning remembering(rather vividly) an event that happened shortly before my divorce about ten years ago.Joey and I had been hanging out,my wife was off somewhere drinking I think.So we went up to my bedroom and we were playing guitar and singing and smoking and talking all night.He decided to stay over and we tried to sleep,but it turned into one of those things where you just end up hot and bothered.We ended up kissing and making out,and it was insanely hot,but he wouldn't come across and put out.He was hard as marble all over(and I do mean everywhere) and completely on fire.I knew that he had found god and all,but I didn't see how that might complicate things,and I thought for sure that he was single....I was perplexed.He got me off several times,and finally I ask him "why deny yourself?"

It was at this moment that he happened to look up at the framed print hanging over my bed. It's Gustav Moreau.Salome toasting the head of john the baptist.Apparently that moment was the moment that he realized that he was in bed with a witch.This was a bit much for his newly converted self to handle and he left before I could get my wife up to make us all breakfast.It took me years to get that out of him,to find out why he left my bed,white as a sheet,when we had been having so much fun.Now he's a man of god.Weird where life takes you.I thought it was just a phase,the whole finding god thing.I figured he would grow out of it.eh.

I ended up going to his wedding.It was a strange mix of his church people and the old punk rock crowd.I ended up getting shitfaced with hooper,who was dressed like a gangster,but has good taste in wine.I was trying my best to keep from making an ass of myself.It never works out that way though.I ended up out on the golf course with this adorable little hippy girl named Tia that I was always getting into trouble with back then.We were smoking like there was no tomorrow and tripping over our dresses and heels and acting like we weren't up to anything.That was the last event that the happy couple ever invited me to.oh well.

she wore black dresses....

So.This week has been kinda crazy.I am hoping that things calm down before embarking on the big trip to the big easy this coming weekend.I am realizing more and more that it's a good thing that I am ruled by me head.If my emotions get out of hand,my brain will shut everything down for some time spent in contemplation.It says "wait a fucking minute.....we need to think this thru" and then I make pro/con lists and everything gets resolved.My friends are not like this.It does no good to get frustrated with them.I just have to accept it,be logical enough for all of us and keep on moving on.

I did,however,get to see both the people that actually are like me.They both moved away to other cities,I am starting to understand why.Boss and I drove to Nashvegas on wednesday for a concert that I had been excited about for a while.In doing this we got to see my gay-boyfriend.He is one of the few people I know who is like me,in that his head rules his emotions.He understands me better than anyone.It was sooooo good to see him and see his new home and meet his awesome lil roommate.The concert was divine.I fell in love with the opening band.They are some kind of folk band,almost like a jugband.Lovelovelove them.The drive back was somewhat terrifying,since we were driving in pea soup fog,and Boss was complaining that she was hallucinating.I kept offering gently to take up driving,as fog doesn't bother me that bad, but she was convinced that we should not stop.I found a way not to argue that I am the most amazing last leg driver on the planet.We did,in fact,make it home alive.

The other person "like me" that showed up was my Korbet.She also is ruled by her head.In fact she has to be one of the most amazingly mental people that I know.She came into town over the weekend from DC.We had a girl's night out on friday night with Diane (a bit older,funny as hell and does NOT take any shit off of anyone) and lil'mimi(absolutely insane little friend of korbet's)
We went to SSG and got shitfaced on martini's and it was loads of fun.I was just so happy to hang with my Bet,I have missed her so much lately.The only crazy I usually get out of her is the crazy/wacky situations that the lands in,and the uncannily executed escapes from them.When it comes to emotional shit,she is solid.I sometimes wonder why everyone cannot have these safety features when it comes to emotions.I understand that much like the car market,we all have our different selling points....But I guess I am tired of trying to understand something that makes no sense to me.But I love my girls,so I keep right on dealing with it.

Okay,that was more like a vent,and I have a feeling that I will feel better with it out (better out than in)so I'm gonna go now.hopefully next time I write I will be less confused and bruised.

hard rain's gonna fall

My old friend Reid caught up with me last night.He got my number from another old friend of mine that I have not heard from since sleeping with him earlier this year (after managing not to sleep with him the entire 1st 16 years of being friends) Reid is a throwback from when my life was very very chaotic.He's just passing thru on his way to the west coast,But he had some sad news.I found out that one of the guys that we used to travel with,Jericho,was killed in the jungle somewhere in Venezuela.He was a really strange creature,conflict followed him around.He had these insane ideals and he was a crazy activist way back when.He just got more and more radical over the years,according to Reid.He apparently had gotten into some trouble in the gaza strip and had to be spirited back to the americas.Things must have gotten out of hand,because he was shot execution style (kneeling) and this was two months ago according to Reid.

I guess that I kinda expected that Jericho wouldn't exactly die of natural causes,but he was one of those people who really really believed in what he was doing.When I met him,I was living in the youth hostel here in Memphis.I was traveling alot and I hooked up with Reid and Jericho when I was in Arizona.They were very kind to me and we traveled for the rest of the summer together.We had some good times.I really thought that one day I would see Jericho again.I guess that won't ever happen.He was a rather charismatic creature and I am sad to hear that he is gone.

It is weird.I have actually known three people (now) that have died that way.Both of the others involved drugs.The first was my friend Joey.He got into a bad situation with some really really fucked up people and they killed him in his house.The second was a woman named Chiann whom I used to know way back.She used to live below me when I lived in the most haunted apartment I think I have ever lived in.She was a tattoo artist and worked with friends of mine later.She had been thru so much shit.I thought that she was doing better,but then I heard from my Korbet that she got killed in a shop,about a year ago, over a deal with some pills.Now Jericho.It probably had nothing to do with drugs and everything to so with his Isreali affiliations.It's just sad to think about the fact that they had to kneel there and know that they were about to die.When I go,I hope that I don't see it coming.

beware,an old flame is still burning there....

My mind is spinning.So many things to think about.I am amazingly grateful that Obama did,in fact,win the election.This had made me very very happy.It's the first time I have ever voted for a winner!I also have so many things coming up so fast.I have people coming in town all month long and I am taking two road trips.Business is picking up and I am running my ass off socially,trying to reconnect with old friends and keep up with regular engagements.I am happy that things are going,going,going.....and I cannot wait to see all the folk that come into town for the holidays.Other than that I am not into the whole holidays thing.The fact that stores are already shoving x-mas down my throat makes me feel vaguely nauseous.feh.The only thing that I like about Xmas is riding around and looking at the lights(usually smoking a big J or nipping brandy if I am the passenger)

I have been in a strange mood today though,because I have someone on my mind.Ever since I woke up,I have been thinking about him.I guess it might have been from a dream,though I don't really remember what they were.Maybe call him later on.

So this weekend I think that I want to go to the botanical gardens.I imagine that they are a riot of color with the variations of trees that they have there.Every time that I drive past Cherry,I look in,and wish i had time to trample around in there.I haven't gone in years.I used to jump the fence from audubon park on cloudy days when I was in high school.Me and my exwife would sit out there all day long feeding the fat greedy koi fish,and lolling around under the trees.I loved to spend cloudy days there,because then the afternoon seemed to last for ages and ages.From early morning til the light was suddenly gone,it was afternoon.Those were actually times when we were happy together.It was a long time ago.

hold me down,I am floating away into the overcast skies over my hometown on election day

So,it's finally come.I am trying not to get all hyped up over it.It would make me really happy if my candidate won,but I am not going to lose my cool over it.I voted early,so I didn't have to stand in the crazy long lines.I have been doing my best not to look at the news at all.I am going over to a friend's house when I get off work to either celebrate,Or drink myself into a stupor.Til then I am trying to just have a little faith.

Things have been busy as hell lately,and the trees outside are so beautiful.I am enjoying the fall immensely and feeling more alive that I have in quite some time.Here's to hoping for change.