Here's to all the shit that vexes me. I salute you. I have learned that you have to respect anything that can baffle you. I have been feeling that way quite a bit as of late. It's what led me to the realization that I don't have to know everything. I can be in the dark about some things...and that it is sometimes a good thing that I DON'T understand them. I am better off this way.
I am having to make peace with the idea of telling one of my very best friends that I don't like the person that she's become and that I am gonna have to just give up and tell her to seek professional help. It's been a long time coming. She is one of those people who just kinda melts into whoever she is dating and she's hooked up with some "real winners" in the time that we have been friends (about fifteen years) and she's slowly but surely picked up more than her fair share of personality flaws, and at this point I cannot help her, so I have to abandon ship. I can't take on the damage, and she seems to be wallowing in the stuff. I have always believed that if I couldn't help or teach someone something, then they have no need of me in their lives. I am free to go. It also has to do with the fact that I don't take verbal abuse lightly.I have been giving real credence to the idea of demon possession here. I think about everything that I say, so I think that people should think about the way that they speak to me. It's common courtesy.
Two of our sisters seem to think that we needs to have some kind of group intervention, but I just feel that could get awful messy. I am in favor of a mildly scathing email. I should probably say something face to face with her, but she has taken to busting the joint up when she get's in the mood.
I am also making peace with a premonition that I had that proved to be right. I didn't want it to be, and I held out hope that maybe I was wrong.....but alas. Fuckinfuck. I am left with this feeling that I might have seen someone face to face for the last time. And even if we come to see each other again one day, it won't be the same person that I saw off that night.
It's weird when you know for sure that you were there for someone's peak, it's beautiful and rare, but it's bittersweet, because from there the trajectory is easy to see. I have seen enough of them to know it when I see it.
It's the people who haven't peaked yet that keep me guessing. Erin seems to think that is the reason we seem to be trading up for a younger set of friends. I love seeing people with the light in their eyes. I still have it and I see it in a few others who are my own age (or older) We have a fucking blast.
