I am currently beseeching Oya to turn this ferocious hurricane away from my hometown.I am afraid that there won't be anything left to visit this Novemeber when I had planned to go back.It has been a strange weekend all around.I am still dealing with the deathwatch over my uncle and my mother and my aunt are wrecked.I keep busting out in tears at strange times.I am still waiting to hear news about my volvo,and what the damage is going to be.I am still in limbo about whether or not I got the job I interviewed for last week.At least the moon finally went new.
I did get to spend some time with my favorite people ever.My Patrik was in town for the weekend,and we went thrifting with LL,and She-erin yesterday at the AMVETS out by graceland.It's me favorite one.The fashion show portion of the day was(as always) my favorite. Today I went for coffee with Patrik,Boss and LL.I so love having Patrick in town,but i always get sad when he leaves again.He has been there for me in so many silly situations and i can tell him anything.He never judges me,and I love him for the amazing creature that he is.He and my sisters did a wonderful job of keeping me occupied and cheerful.
I will be so happy when august is over.It has always been the hardest month of the year for me. It's just a matter of surviving the end of the summer.I know that fall is coming,it just cannot get here soon enough for me.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
I'm clenching water in my fist....
I have been having a really weird day today.I fell asleep last night when I meant to stay up and meet up with this girl I recently met and clicked with.I had been up for too long.I didn't get any sleep because I was all nervous about having to go to a job interview early yesterday morning at a law firm.I did fine,but it was the first job interview I have been on in about 4 &1/2 years.Let me also say that job interviews make me so nervous that I get nauseous.I am crossing my fingers about getting the position.
So today the mechanic finally called me about my volvo.either the primary(low pressure) pump went out,or the actual (high pressure) fuel pump.I am praying that it is the former,since it is less expensive.I am crossing my fingers on the other hand.
My mom called me this afternoon to tell me about my favorite uncle.Charlie was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year,has had several very invasive surgeries,and as of last sunday,the doctors said that he had six months to live.He went into the hospital again yesterday and it turns out that he has gangrene throughout his entire body,so they gave him a few days to live.He's home on hospice,and it's really fucking with me.
I am not that close to many people in my family,but Charlie was the only real father figure that I had when I was a teenager.I kinda freaked out and started crying,and I am not one of those people that just cries about anything at all.I am wondering whether I should go to see him,or if it would be better to remember him the way that he was the last time that I saw him,when he was all big and strong and gruff and lovable.I just don't know and apparently I don't have much time to figure it out.
So today the mechanic finally called me about my volvo.either the primary(low pressure) pump went out,or the actual (high pressure) fuel pump.I am praying that it is the former,since it is less expensive.I am crossing my fingers on the other hand.
My mom called me this afternoon to tell me about my favorite uncle.Charlie was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year,has had several very invasive surgeries,and as of last sunday,the doctors said that he had six months to live.He went into the hospital again yesterday and it turns out that he has gangrene throughout his entire body,so they gave him a few days to live.He's home on hospice,and it's really fucking with me.
I am not that close to many people in my family,but Charlie was the only real father figure that I had when I was a teenager.I kinda freaked out and started crying,and I am not one of those people that just cries about anything at all.I am wondering whether I should go to see him,or if it would be better to remember him the way that he was the last time that I saw him,when he was all big and strong and gruff and lovable.I just don't know and apparently I don't have much time to figure it out.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
within limits...
I think that this year has been all about teaching me about limits.I have learned that some people in my life would go much further to help me than i ever thought possible.I am learning that the world is a better place because of these people. I am learning to see past the things that make me despair. I m learning to see what is left of heaven again. Life is good.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Two ends to every rainbow.....
This weekend has been insane.I had all these big plans for cleaning my apartment to within an inch of it's life (this urge is brought to you by brand-new swiffer power jet in my kitchen begging me to clean things)....however,this was not what came to pass.
Friday night when I got home from work,Deb calls me and tells me that she didn't feel like going home,so she came over to hang out,then rolled herself up in the infamous "butterfly blanket" on the sleepy side of the futon (noone is safe) and promptly passed out.She ended up hijacking my entire day on Saturday.We went to the chinese sub shop on Highland.That place has been exactly the same since the seventies,I adore their lighting fixtures,and their sandwiches are amazing good.The lady in the back making them has been there since I moved to Memphis in 1988.After that we ran some errands,I paid some of my bills,she ran me all over the place to get things,since my car is out of commission for a little while.I bought a really huge aloevera plant for cheapcheap,I named him Augustus.
We also ended up going to see this documentary on Hunter S Thompson that was playing at the cinema near my house.It was really heavy.I actually cried a little during some of the parts where they were reading some of the things that he was writing about the Vietnam war,and when his son was talking about the day that he died.When I was in highschool,I started reading his books. It was his writing that made me think(at the time) that i wanted to become a journalist.He inspired me at a very young age,and though I understand that it is a person's right to decide when they are ready to go,I still mourn his passing.It was his writing that led me to understand the fallacy of the concept of the "American Dream".Once i knew it was a myth,i never looked back.It was 1989 and the beginning of my truly bohemian exsistance.Needless to say,the film really proved to be rather thought provoking.
My dreams were off the hook.It was kinda violent at one point,I was beating the hell out of someone that I am not exactly very fond of in my waking life.Boss called and woke me up during some part where I was making out with some guy on a couch and wishing that I was elsewhere. She was super sweet and brought me brother juniper's for breakfast,and we rolled around in my bed and talked and laughed until i had to come into work.I was really happy that she got me out of that dream that I was having.Things have been strange lately.
Friday night when I got home from work,Deb calls me and tells me that she didn't feel like going home,so she came over to hang out,then rolled herself up in the infamous "butterfly blanket" on the sleepy side of the futon (noone is safe) and promptly passed out.She ended up hijacking my entire day on Saturday.We went to the chinese sub shop on Highland.That place has been exactly the same since the seventies,I adore their lighting fixtures,and their sandwiches are amazing good.The lady in the back making them has been there since I moved to Memphis in 1988.After that we ran some errands,I paid some of my bills,she ran me all over the place to get things,since my car is out of commission for a little while.I bought a really huge aloevera plant for cheapcheap,I named him Augustus.
We also ended up going to see this documentary on Hunter S Thompson that was playing at the cinema near my house.It was really heavy.I actually cried a little during some of the parts where they were reading some of the things that he was writing about the Vietnam war,and when his son was talking about the day that he died.When I was in highschool,I started reading his books. It was his writing that made me think(at the time) that i wanted to become a journalist.He inspired me at a very young age,and though I understand that it is a person's right to decide when they are ready to go,I still mourn his passing.It was his writing that led me to understand the fallacy of the concept of the "American Dream".Once i knew it was a myth,i never looked back.It was 1989 and the beginning of my truly bohemian exsistance.Needless to say,the film really proved to be rather thought provoking.
My dreams were off the hook.It was kinda violent at one point,I was beating the hell out of someone that I am not exactly very fond of in my waking life.Boss called and woke me up during some part where I was making out with some guy on a couch and wishing that I was elsewhere. She was super sweet and brought me brother juniper's for breakfast,and we rolled around in my bed and talked and laughed until i had to come into work.I was really happy that she got me out of that dream that I was having.Things have been strange lately.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
i live among the creatures of the night....
i have that laura branigan song stuck in my head.boss got me looking at 1980's videos and i couldn't help myself,i had to watch it.it strikes me what a truly garish time that they 80's were. the seventies were so organic and textural.then there is the 80's,it's like going from calico cotton sundress (with bric a brac) to lavender satin short-shorts.truthfully,both of these things were in my closet at some time growing up.
i cannot imagine being young now,today.i cannot imagine not remembering anything before the nineties.i am so glad to be from the generation that i am from.i remember when a computer filled a whole room.i can do math without a calculator.when i graduated highschool,car phones were impressive.
i dated this one chinese-american pharmacist that had one,they still had this little briefcase-looking transmitter.they were massive and weighed a ton.....and she was the most high tech person i knew at the time.now that i think of it,her bedroom was like an 80's video.it was a red satin nightmare with a huge red lantern over the bed.she would bring home these sacks of broken lortabs,and we would get completely mellowed out and roll around in her bed.it was probably one of the most dangerous things ever,since we had slow response time and it was so goddamn slippery.i was always so high on pills that i could almost block out all the chinese opera that she played...constantly.she had a crazy bunny rabbit that ran around the back of her house,she had loads of old books,she was mean as hell,but she was beautiful and a pharmacist. her apartment was haunted......very haunted.there were several times when i woke up in her bed paralyzed,feeling like i was choking while she slept right thru it.after a while,i wouldn't sleep at her house anymore,but she didn't like sleeping alone,so she would come to my apartment(where i lived with about 5 million people) at the time i shared a bed with this really sweet boy named john(the baptist) we had kittens running around the house at the time,so if she found us asleep,she would shake up one of the kittens to get it good and mad,then fling it on john in his sleep.this was how she would wake me up and get john out of the bed. eventually things just got to weird,and though i loved her parents(her dad adored me and her mother was fun to drink with) and i was impressed by her "spy phone",and i really really love lortabs.....i had to cut her loose.
oh,to be young and stupid again.
i cannot imagine being young now,today.i cannot imagine not remembering anything before the nineties.i am so glad to be from the generation that i am from.i remember when a computer filled a whole room.i can do math without a calculator.when i graduated highschool,car phones were impressive.
i dated this one chinese-american pharmacist that had one,they still had this little briefcase-looking transmitter.they were massive and weighed a ton.....and she was the most high tech person i knew at the time.now that i think of it,her bedroom was like an 80's video.it was a red satin nightmare with a huge red lantern over the bed.she would bring home these sacks of broken lortabs,and we would get completely mellowed out and roll around in her bed.it was probably one of the most dangerous things ever,since we had slow response time and it was so goddamn slippery.i was always so high on pills that i could almost block out all the chinese opera that she played...constantly.she had a crazy bunny rabbit that ran around the back of her house,she had loads of old books,she was mean as hell,but she was beautiful and a pharmacist. her apartment was haunted......very haunted.there were several times when i woke up in her bed paralyzed,feeling like i was choking while she slept right thru it.after a while,i wouldn't sleep at her house anymore,but she didn't like sleeping alone,so she would come to my apartment(where i lived with about 5 million people) at the time i shared a bed with this really sweet boy named john(the baptist) we had kittens running around the house at the time,so if she found us asleep,she would shake up one of the kittens to get it good and mad,then fling it on john in his sleep.this was how she would wake me up and get john out of the bed. eventually things just got to weird,and though i loved her parents(her dad adored me and her mother was fun to drink with) and i was impressed by her "spy phone",and i really really love lortabs.....i had to cut her loose.
oh,to be young and stupid again.
Friday, August 1, 2008
a state of grace
sooooo,i have spent most of the past two weeks battling sick.it got bad on monday and i ended up in the er,because i couldn't breathe at work.turns out i had strep and a nasty case of bronchitis.true evil is the emergency room.they stuck me numerous times for no good reason and then when one of the devils finally taps a vein,they try and take all of my blood.i nearly passed out before she noticed that my blood pressure was dropping fast.it was not cute.
i have also been dealing with 2 of my sisters having what could loosely be termed as nervous breakdowns(at least that is what i would call it if i was the one having it) and it has been 4th quarter(not my favorite) so to sum it up,the week has been alot like hell.
but today was new moon,and a solar eclipse in leo to boot.well aspected and downright nutritious for my brain.i did a reading,took a salt bath,and inspected the aspects for the coming month and i think that salvation might be in the cards.
i realized that i have been ignoring something really big and really important in my life by staying incredibly busy all the time.i cannot ignore it any longer.it's time to get back to my roots....literally.i haven't been doing any rootwork,or conjure,or even all that much divination. i have fallen behind in taking care of my spiritual self and have even been letting my health suffer.
i have to get my balance back and find a way back to that state of grace that i can manage every now and again.it's the only thing that brings me back down to earth.
i have finally found my focus again.
i have also been dealing with 2 of my sisters having what could loosely be termed as nervous breakdowns(at least that is what i would call it if i was the one having it) and it has been 4th quarter(not my favorite) so to sum it up,the week has been alot like hell.
but today was new moon,and a solar eclipse in leo to boot.well aspected and downright nutritious for my brain.i did a reading,took a salt bath,and inspected the aspects for the coming month and i think that salvation might be in the cards.
i realized that i have been ignoring something really big and really important in my life by staying incredibly busy all the time.i cannot ignore it any longer.it's time to get back to my roots....literally.i haven't been doing any rootwork,or conjure,or even all that much divination. i have fallen behind in taking care of my spiritual self and have even been letting my health suffer.
i have to get my balance back and find a way back to that state of grace that i can manage every now and again.it's the only thing that brings me back down to earth.
i have finally found my focus again.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
what the world needs now....
the weekend has not exactly been exciting and filled with adventure,but i have realized a few things.i have some of the most amazing people in my life.people with good hearts who give me love and good conversation.i have sisters who are always there for me,that i love fiercely.i am very lucky to have found them.life moves so fast,it is impossible to make all the connections that are out there.i am lucky to have retained so many.
so anyway.i had a shit night on friday,i wasn't feeling well,so i had to cancel my plans to go out to the forrest with ll after i got off work,went home and stayed in my bathtub for the rest of the night.
by saturday morning i was feeling much better and started working of rearranging some of the furniture in my house and making more room,cleaning.etc.i got a call from my friend mark,said he needed his hair cut,and promised to come without that hideous wife of his.so i made plans and he came over and we talked for a while.then one of my sisters called to see if i wanted to do lunch with her while she didn't have any appointments,so she came over to talk to me while i cut mark's hair.i think i might have him convinced to let it grow out a bit.it used to be really long and i used to love playing with it.to be perfectly honest i miss him altogether.he seems so sad these days.he used to be my favorite partner for adventure seeking.these days he spends all his energy trying to please that gorgon that he married.eh,what can you do????
so after he left,me and boss went for lunch at the restaurant/microbrewery that her ex works at(we love living dangerously) and,thankfully,he was not working.boss has got a serious hate brewing for him at the moment,and i sometimes suspect that she is itching for a fight,not like a yelling match,more like a cathartic physical beatdown that includes and 8ball in a sock.lunch was passed pleasantly with no incident.the food was amazing good and we talked shit and laughed our asses off until she had to meet with a client.
so i drove out into the blazing afternoon to go grocery shopping at my favorite euro-style store.i like their efficient ways and their produce is always so nice and soooo cheap,what i didn't find there i found at the easyway produce stand.i love that place!i was practically dying of heat exhaustion from riding around in my little blast furnace.by the time i made it home i felt like i was going to pass out,so i sat in a cool bath until i stopped feeling woozy.
after the sun went down i hopped back into the furnace and rolled out to my friend simone's house,as she was having a little get together to celebrate having her house all to herself again.she is going thru a separation from another friend of mine,and she is doing really well,despite being a little gimpy from tripping over one of her many fabu cats.i got to see a couple of people that i hadn't seen in ages,whom i dearly love.there was alot of silliness as we sat around her magical butcher block table drinking port and laughing like drains.i have had so many good memories involving working around that table.we reconsecrated her house and listened to music until after midnite.
i was getting a little worn out from all the smoking and drinking,so i headed back into midtown(it was a nice drive) and i settled in with my a/c.after a little while boss showed back up,she was all perky and jacked from going to roller derby and having a stare down with the aforementioned ex.eventually my cat started making that horrible"c'mon,can we PLEASE go to bed now?"face and boss left me to pass out.
shortly after she left i got a call from one of my latenight phonecall buddies,mike.he's fucking hilarious. i always end up talking to him when i am supposed to be going to sleep,but i can't not answer.it is a silly decision,sleep or laugh....hmmmm?i think laughing is important,so i take it where i can.so i ended up talking to him til the wee hours.i have realized that i really love the shit out of mike.i love him because he is my friend,and there is absolutely NO sexual tension between us.in a co-ed friendship,that is rare,but it is what makes being friends work.alot of people say that men and women cannot be friends,but i think that this sitch proves that statement wrong.
so after all this i was lying in bed.curled up around a pillow with abdominal-ache from laughing so hard all day long.i thought...i have all these really beautiful people that i love so very much,but i almost never dial out on my phone.i will usually answer and go meet with people,but i never take the initiative.i thought about it a little more and decided at 5am that i was going to make an effort to spend time with all the people that i love.i am going to train myself to dial out.the only people that i ever call with any regularity are my core group of sisters.i am going to spread a little more love around,i mean,it's not like the world is gonna choke on the stuff.
so anyway.i had a shit night on friday,i wasn't feeling well,so i had to cancel my plans to go out to the forrest with ll after i got off work,went home and stayed in my bathtub for the rest of the night.
by saturday morning i was feeling much better and started working of rearranging some of the furniture in my house and making more room,cleaning.etc.i got a call from my friend mark,said he needed his hair cut,and promised to come without that hideous wife of his.so i made plans and he came over and we talked for a while.then one of my sisters called to see if i wanted to do lunch with her while she didn't have any appointments,so she came over to talk to me while i cut mark's hair.i think i might have him convinced to let it grow out a bit.it used to be really long and i used to love playing with it.to be perfectly honest i miss him altogether.he seems so sad these days.he used to be my favorite partner for adventure seeking.these days he spends all his energy trying to please that gorgon that he married.eh,what can you do????
so after he left,me and boss went for lunch at the restaurant/microbrewery that her ex works at(we love living dangerously) and,thankfully,he was not working.boss has got a serious hate brewing for him at the moment,and i sometimes suspect that she is itching for a fight,not like a yelling match,more like a cathartic physical beatdown that includes and 8ball in a sock.lunch was passed pleasantly with no incident.the food was amazing good and we talked shit and laughed our asses off until she had to meet with a client.
so i drove out into the blazing afternoon to go grocery shopping at my favorite euro-style store.i like their efficient ways and their produce is always so nice and soooo cheap,what i didn't find there i found at the easyway produce stand.i love that place!i was practically dying of heat exhaustion from riding around in my little blast furnace.by the time i made it home i felt like i was going to pass out,so i sat in a cool bath until i stopped feeling woozy.
after the sun went down i hopped back into the furnace and rolled out to my friend simone's house,as she was having a little get together to celebrate having her house all to herself again.she is going thru a separation from another friend of mine,and she is doing really well,despite being a little gimpy from tripping over one of her many fabu cats.i got to see a couple of people that i hadn't seen in ages,whom i dearly love.there was alot of silliness as we sat around her magical butcher block table drinking port and laughing like drains.i have had so many good memories involving working around that table.we reconsecrated her house and listened to music until after midnite.
i was getting a little worn out from all the smoking and drinking,so i headed back into midtown(it was a nice drive) and i settled in with my a/c.after a little while boss showed back up,she was all perky and jacked from going to roller derby and having a stare down with the aforementioned ex.eventually my cat started making that horrible"c'mon,can we PLEASE go to bed now?"face and boss left me to pass out.
shortly after she left i got a call from one of my latenight phonecall buddies,mike.he's fucking hilarious. i always end up talking to him when i am supposed to be going to sleep,but i can't not answer.it is a silly decision,sleep or laugh....hmmmm?i think laughing is important,so i take it where i can.so i ended up talking to him til the wee hours.i have realized that i really love the shit out of mike.i love him because he is my friend,and there is absolutely NO sexual tension between us.in a co-ed friendship,that is rare,but it is what makes being friends work.alot of people say that men and women cannot be friends,but i think that this sitch proves that statement wrong.
so after all this i was lying in bed.curled up around a pillow with abdominal-ache from laughing so hard all day long.i thought...i have all these really beautiful people that i love so very much,but i almost never dial out on my phone.i will usually answer and go meet with people,but i never take the initiative.i thought about it a little more and decided at 5am that i was going to make an effort to spend time with all the people that i love.i am going to train myself to dial out.the only people that i ever call with any regularity are my core group of sisters.i am going to spread a little more love around,i mean,it's not like the world is gonna choke on the stuff.
Friday, July 11, 2008
you think i'm psycho,don't you mama????
work is making me want to kill people.the electricity went out for no reason during rollover and it's been a madhouse ever since.i am trying really hard not to get all postal.
the day was going so well before i came in here.i had been acting a fool moving things around my apartment.i figure if i am going to have to stay there for an indefinite amount of time,then i might as well get the place clean and arranged so that i can utilize the space better.i only broke one thing.it was a coup.there is still a long way to go,but i am getting there.i did,however,find a way to bruise my ass somehow,so sitting on it is not at all comfortable.
this week has been alright,except for work.last night i got to hang out with two of my ladies and talk crazy about everything that has been going on for the past few days.(alot has happened,apparently) i also got to see two of my favorite taurean men.i am beginning to think that they get more attractive with age.i also talked to the wife of the bar-owner about her ta-ta's magic powers in the shirt she was wearing.i also might have made someone's date a little squirmy,i am an asshole.after all that the ladies and i went back to my apartment and smoked and laughed and rolled around in my bed,which is always fun.i had really strange dreams again last night and i think that maybe i am just going through one of those periods where my imagination is really really fertile.
i just have to hang in there and keep on workin for the weekend.
the day was going so well before i came in here.i had been acting a fool moving things around my apartment.i figure if i am going to have to stay there for an indefinite amount of time,then i might as well get the place clean and arranged so that i can utilize the space better.i only broke one thing.it was a coup.there is still a long way to go,but i am getting there.i did,however,find a way to bruise my ass somehow,so sitting on it is not at all comfortable.
this week has been alright,except for work.last night i got to hang out with two of my ladies and talk crazy about everything that has been going on for the past few days.(alot has happened,apparently) i also got to see two of my favorite taurean men.i am beginning to think that they get more attractive with age.i also talked to the wife of the bar-owner about her ta-ta's magic powers in the shirt she was wearing.i also might have made someone's date a little squirmy,i am an asshole.after all that the ladies and i went back to my apartment and smoked and laughed and rolled around in my bed,which is always fun.i had really strange dreams again last night and i think that maybe i am just going through one of those periods where my imagination is really really fertile.
i just have to hang in there and keep on workin for the weekend.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
i am the eye in the sky,looking at you-oooh-oooh,i can read your mind...
i have been looking at the satalite view of the earth.sometimes i get obsessed with it and decide to look at routes from my house to other places from the aerial view.i like to find my friend's houses and to spy on other parts of the united states.it will not let me spy very close to the ground in mongolia or in japan.it is likewise secretive when i try to spy on the middle east.i have a big alan parsons project moment when i do these things.i look to see where i have to go the next day,and i try to find the more densely populated parts of africa.all i do is wish that i had more zoom.i am very nosy when it comes to the satalite.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
fortune smiles
it is officially july.it's only 8:45pm and it doesn't feel like deepfried hell outside.this is way too unusual.i am wondering if something is supremely off kilter.usually by this time in memphis you can still fry and egg on the sidewalk at midnite.it's been rather mild as of late.i keep thinking that there is something very nasty in store for us in august though.either that,or maybe we will actually have a real fall this year,not just the usual two weeks between running the a/c and turning on the heater.
life is good for the most part and i am looking forward to traveling a little this fall.i am starting to put a little more faith in ursula (my trusty volvo wagon) and i think i might take her on a little road trip.she get's good gas mileage and i am thinking of going somewhere that is off the beaten path and maybe staying in a hostel.i haven't done it in years,but i know what to expect,having done alot of hosteling in my time.i even lived at one for about three years.it was a great jumping off point for adventure.you just realize that the right oppertunity is right in front of you,so you grab up a seat in a going car,and throw in for gas.sometimes i miss that time of my life....just a little.it didn't have alot of the features that my life has now,but it was fun at the time.
life is good for the most part and i am looking forward to traveling a little this fall.i am starting to put a little more faith in ursula (my trusty volvo wagon) and i think i might take her on a little road trip.she get's good gas mileage and i am thinking of going somewhere that is off the beaten path and maybe staying in a hostel.i haven't done it in years,but i know what to expect,having done alot of hosteling in my time.i even lived at one for about three years.it was a great jumping off point for adventure.you just realize that the right oppertunity is right in front of you,so you grab up a seat in a going car,and throw in for gas.sometimes i miss that time of my life....just a little.it didn't have alot of the features that my life has now,but it was fun at the time.
Monday, June 30, 2008
i had a really interesting night on friday.i was in this completely foul mood when i got off work,so i called deb and told her that she might not want to hang out with me afterall.she said that she would cheer me up and to come and grab her,since i had decided that i needed to go on a nice long drive.so i pick her up and we start out,she decides that we need to be smoking for this,and i agreed.we ended up out near crystal's(the dildo store) and deb tells me we need to make a pitstop,since she had had some casualties in her toybox.so we are in there doing a little shopping.my phone starts ringing and deb says "i bet that is matt" (since he has called the last three times that we were in there,it's eerie) and sure enough,it was him.i do not understand how he could possibly do that,seeing as he doesn't really call me all that often.so deb gets her replacements and we roll out to shelby farms and continue smoking and talking and singing along with the stereo.eventually after completing a circuit around the city,i dropped her off.
as i was driving home i got a call from my friend mike d(not the beastie boy)so i went to his place and we worshipped his volcano.it is a completely high-tech vapor machine.german engineering at it's finest.but the icing on the cake was that we were watching an awesome concert,zappa plays zappa.alot of really really talented musicians.i was very impressed,and frank zappa's music never fails to put me in a good mood.i was so completely toasted by the time i left about 3:30 am.i adore mike,he's one of those people that i can literally talk to for hours on end about anything.over the past two years or so,we have actually become pretty good friends.
so i make my way home,very very slowly.i get to my courtyard,and there is a jumble of very very drunk girls and one rather cute but terribly embarassed boy.one of the girls had taken off her pants and was running around dancing up on people,i just wanted to bum a cigarette,and was looking at the stairs up to my studio,they were very daunting in my rather inebriated state.then some neighbors came down from the building next door.turns out that he and his friend live in shadow's old apartment.he was this really sweet guy,kinda young,one of those widespread panic kids.ask me to come up and smoke with them,so i did.didn't make it home until 6a.made me miss my hippy days when i was their age.they had a girl over there that totally reminded me of a friend i had when i was 17.her name was crazy amy.
crazy amy wasn't crazy in the "wild and crazy" kind of way.she was crazy in a more spaced out hippy girl with a million werid theories that only made sense to her sort of way.she had a very gentle way about her.she was very beautiful,inside and out,but also very fragile.she was beautiful like really old antique lace....you loved it so much,but you knew that it wouldn't last much longer.you knew that no matter how careful you were with it,that it would eventually just fall apart.we spent hours and hours poring over robert hunter's lyrics and she would make all these notations in the margins.every song had some amazingly personal meaning for her.the funny thing was that she would never go on tour with us.i think she was afraid of being around so many people,but she soooo loved the music.i miss her sometimes,i haven't seen her in years.last i saw of her,she was living in a little apartment in the royal arms and had found "this cat" that had taken her in,he was older than her,and she was really trying to make a little home for them.he was a roamer and eventually left her there in the little home that she had made,with a child in her.after that she just disappeared.
anyway.i had very little sleep between going to bed at 6:30 and getting up at ten to start my hair apppointments on saturday.i worked until 4pm and then i just hung out will a few of my sisters at different times during the evening.decided against going to the show at the hi-tone.didn't feel like being in a tight crowd.
i have had an aversion to crowds since last x-mas when i went to a burlesque show that was so packed that i couldn't really move easily.there were alot of people i know in the building,not all of them people that i would ever want to actually have to encounter again,but i can tolerate them from a distance fairly well.the fact was that they kept sneaking up behind me and i felt like i was being ambushed.i couldn't run away for the crush of the crowd and i just had to grit my teeth into a semi-believable smile and make small talk until everyone shifted again and took them away from me and i could go back to just being on the look-out.after that i started avoiding crowds.i have gone ot maybe a handful of shows since.oh well.maybe i will get over it before too long.
as i was driving home i got a call from my friend mike d(not the beastie boy)so i went to his place and we worshipped his volcano.it is a completely high-tech vapor machine.german engineering at it's finest.but the icing on the cake was that we were watching an awesome concert,zappa plays zappa.alot of really really talented musicians.i was very impressed,and frank zappa's music never fails to put me in a good mood.i was so completely toasted by the time i left about 3:30 am.i adore mike,he's one of those people that i can literally talk to for hours on end about anything.over the past two years or so,we have actually become pretty good friends.
so i make my way home,very very slowly.i get to my courtyard,and there is a jumble of very very drunk girls and one rather cute but terribly embarassed boy.one of the girls had taken off her pants and was running around dancing up on people,i just wanted to bum a cigarette,and was looking at the stairs up to my studio,they were very daunting in my rather inebriated state.then some neighbors came down from the building next door.turns out that he and his friend live in shadow's old apartment.he was this really sweet guy,kinda young,one of those widespread panic kids.ask me to come up and smoke with them,so i did.didn't make it home until 6a.made me miss my hippy days when i was their age.they had a girl over there that totally reminded me of a friend i had when i was 17.her name was crazy amy.
crazy amy wasn't crazy in the "wild and crazy" kind of way.she was crazy in a more spaced out hippy girl with a million werid theories that only made sense to her sort of way.she had a very gentle way about her.she was very beautiful,inside and out,but also very fragile.she was beautiful like really old antique lace....you loved it so much,but you knew that it wouldn't last much longer.you knew that no matter how careful you were with it,that it would eventually just fall apart.we spent hours and hours poring over robert hunter's lyrics and she would make all these notations in the margins.every song had some amazingly personal meaning for her.the funny thing was that she would never go on tour with us.i think she was afraid of being around so many people,but she soooo loved the music.i miss her sometimes,i haven't seen her in years.last i saw of her,she was living in a little apartment in the royal arms and had found "this cat" that had taken her in,he was older than her,and she was really trying to make a little home for them.he was a roamer and eventually left her there in the little home that she had made,with a child in her.after that she just disappeared.
anyway.i had very little sleep between going to bed at 6:30 and getting up at ten to start my hair apppointments on saturday.i worked until 4pm and then i just hung out will a few of my sisters at different times during the evening.decided against going to the show at the hi-tone.didn't feel like being in a tight crowd.
i have had an aversion to crowds since last x-mas when i went to a burlesque show that was so packed that i couldn't really move easily.there were alot of people i know in the building,not all of them people that i would ever want to actually have to encounter again,but i can tolerate them from a distance fairly well.the fact was that they kept sneaking up behind me and i felt like i was being ambushed.i couldn't run away for the crush of the crowd and i just had to grit my teeth into a semi-believable smile and make small talk until everyone shifted again and took them away from me and i could go back to just being on the look-out.after that i started avoiding crowds.i have gone ot maybe a handful of shows since.oh well.maybe i will get over it before too long.
Monday, June 23, 2008
blinking into the bright sunlight...
a little suvey thing,cause i am that kind of girl....
1. Are you left handed? i am ambidextrous
2. Would you ever consider living abroad? god yes!
3. Who did you last call babe/baby?probably one of my sisters,or someone i was talking to on the phone,i am southern,so i honey/baby.sweetie everyone to death without thinking about it.
4. If you got married to the last person you kissed what would your new last name be?woolard
5. Do you love anybody more than words can say?yes,several someone's in fact
6. What was the last thing you bought?something to drink
7. What is the background on your cell phone?i have a nokia dinosaur phone,so it does not have a background
10. What's something you wish you could understand better?there are alot of things that i don't understand,because i don't have it in me to get it.like cannibalism,materialism,obsession with romance,the need to keep up with the joneses,people who stay in bad relationships.but i don't really care that i don't understand,because to understand,i would have to have that mind set,and that is not something i am willing to do.
11. Is there anything that you are craving right now?a good conversation in the dark,lying in my bed,listening to music.(this has nothing to do with sex by the way,and everything to do with closeness)
12. Six things you did in the past three days:
a) filled up my gastank(very espuensive)
b) finished an addictive book
c) went to lunch with two of my favorite ladies twice
d) went to a party,and ate a special brownie
e) had a flashback,a really strong one
f) pulled the biggest cooter sneak of the century
13. Do you have a malicious mind? not normally.if someone happens to piss me off,i get a little finky,night hiss a little.but i try to control the bed thoughts,because they have manifested before and i don't want any more funky karma.
14. What was the last thing you said aloud?thank you
15. What is on the walls of the room you are in?a bunch of crap that i have hung in my cubicle
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? an RV so i could start traveling
17. What do you think of the person you took this survey from?i think that she is an immensely talented painter and i love to look at her work
18. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? no,i am not that kind of girl
19, When did you last receive flowers? i had a friend give me flowers a few weeks ago,he put them in my hair
20. If we were to look in your phone inbox, what would we find? alot of gibberish to anyone who didn't have my brain
so yeah,the weekend was completely insane.i had a good time until i realized that i was hallucinating and had not planned on that kind of experience,esp at a party that was chock full of people that i know and wanted to see,and yet at the same time full of people who were more than a little out of hand.it didn't help that it was a costume party.i went as a schizophrenic so that i could change identities all night long with the help of props that i found around the house.
for the longest time i was dr zhivago.i was hanging with a member of the french resistance,and a disco space gypsy,as well as a rather x-rated dorothy from the wizard of oz.things started getting a little to intense for me,so i sent one of the guys in to get my bag,and fled the scene,luckily with one of my girlfriends trailing me,to make sure i got home okay,i think she was looking for an escape from the intensity as well.
i spent all of sunday trying to recover before i had to come into work.it was not easy trying to pull me head back together,but i think i am fine now.i am done with parties for the time being.i have been to two particularly crazy ones in the past month(my b-day and LL's as well)i think i am going to stick with visiting people one on one for a little while.whew!
1. Are you left handed? i am ambidextrous
2. Would you ever consider living abroad? god yes!
3. Who did you last call babe/baby?probably one of my sisters,or someone i was talking to on the phone,i am southern,so i honey/baby.sweetie everyone to death without thinking about it.
4. If you got married to the last person you kissed what would your new last name be?woolard
5. Do you love anybody more than words can say?yes,several someone's in fact
6. What was the last thing you bought?something to drink
7. What is the background on your cell phone?i have a nokia dinosaur phone,so it does not have a background
8. Do you have family problems?i have a brother that still hasn't left home,even though he is older than i am.i think my mother deserves a break now.she needs to have a home to herself
9. How old do you look?it depends.most of the time,people think i am younger than i am.whatever10. What's something you wish you could understand better?there are alot of things that i don't understand,because i don't have it in me to get it.like cannibalism,materialism,obsession with romance,the need to keep up with the joneses,people who stay in bad relationships.but i don't really care that i don't understand,because to understand,i would have to have that mind set,and that is not something i am willing to do.
11. Is there anything that you are craving right now?a good conversation in the dark,lying in my bed,listening to music.(this has nothing to do with sex by the way,and everything to do with closeness)
12. Six things you did in the past three days:
a) filled up my gastank(very espuensive)
b) finished an addictive book
c) went to lunch with two of my favorite ladies twice
d) went to a party,and ate a special brownie
e) had a flashback,a really strong one
f) pulled the biggest cooter sneak of the century
13. Do you have a malicious mind? not normally.if someone happens to piss me off,i get a little finky,night hiss a little.but i try to control the bed thoughts,because they have manifested before and i don't want any more funky karma.
14. What was the last thing you said aloud?thank you
15. What is on the walls of the room you are in?a bunch of crap that i have hung in my cubicle
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? an RV so i could start traveling
17. What do you think of the person you took this survey from?i think that she is an immensely talented painter and i love to look at her work
18. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? no,i am not that kind of girl
19, When did you last receive flowers? i had a friend give me flowers a few weeks ago,he put them in my hair
20. If we were to look in your phone inbox, what would we find? alot of gibberish to anyone who didn't have my brain
so yeah,the weekend was completely insane.i had a good time until i realized that i was hallucinating and had not planned on that kind of experience,esp at a party that was chock full of people that i know and wanted to see,and yet at the same time full of people who were more than a little out of hand.it didn't help that it was a costume party.i went as a schizophrenic so that i could change identities all night long with the help of props that i found around the house.
for the longest time i was dr zhivago.i was hanging with a member of the french resistance,and a disco space gypsy,as well as a rather x-rated dorothy from the wizard of oz.things started getting a little to intense for me,so i sent one of the guys in to get my bag,and fled the scene,luckily with one of my girlfriends trailing me,to make sure i got home okay,i think she was looking for an escape from the intensity as well.
i spent all of sunday trying to recover before i had to come into work.it was not easy trying to pull me head back together,but i think i am fine now.i am done with parties for the time being.i have been to two particularly crazy ones in the past month(my b-day and LL's as well)i think i am going to stick with visiting people one on one for a little while.whew!
Friday, June 20, 2008
....and the rooms get smaller and smaller one coat of paint at a time
so...i have had this massive bug up my ass to move into another apartment,but after careful speculation over my meager finances,i am not going to be able to afford the move.that being so,i have still been looking at apartments.i know it seems like i am being downright silly,since it involves me wasting not only my time,but the realtor's time as well.to be perfectly honest,i like to look inside the apartments,walk around in them and imagine what life i would lead there,where i would put this or that.i like to imagine what the last tenants did for a living,what they liked for breakfast,what they sang in the shower,whether or not they took advantage of that awesome porch in the back....and so on and so on.i also like to look at the adverts for apartments.i always have.it is the reason that so many people ask me for advice when they need to find an apartment in midtown.that and i have also lived in,or been inside of almost every building in midtown area.(i used to move...alot)so i just keep calling and making appointments to see places.if i start considering this a hobby,i might have to start looking at the expensive ones,just to see.
in other news,it has been a pretty good week.the weather hasn't felt anywhere near as much like fried hell as it usually does in june.i have been enjoying it immensely.wednesday was particularly nice,despite the grueling task that was scheduled.my best friend LL has,for many years,had rainbow coloured hair.guess who her colorist is.most of the time it is a slap and dab process,but twice a year there is another process that we tenderly refer to as the massive overhaul.the name only hints at how unpleasantly like hard labor this overhaul really is,though admittedly it is a labor of love. she took me to lunch first,and then we got down to business.
at least for the color-adding portion of the days festivities,i had boss helping me out and declaring herself my "dye monkey".it was alot more fun than the 6th floor of hell root bleaching portion of the day.we laughed our asses off,smoked cigarettes,ordered chinese food,and boss modeled selections from LL's splendid wardrobe,and tottered around on sexy-pie high heels.we were all dye spattered and laughing like drains.
when i left there,i was seduced by the smell of the jasmine and the mimosa trees, by the moonlight and the cool night air,i simply had to take a drive!right as i was getting underway, simone called.we had not really talked in a really really long time.so i talked to her as i drove my little circuit around the city.it felt like old times,like no time had passed at all.it was great.
when i got home i had just gotten off the phone with simone and slid into a saltbath when another old friend (whom i have known for a really really long time) called.around here we call him punchy,because he likes me to hit him during sex,but i would never tell him that.when i ask him why he was calling me so late,he said that he was in chicago and he was always up late in chicago.so we laughed and talked forever until my phone died of lost charge.so i climbed out of my bath and flung myself into my bed,and thought about what amazing people i have in my life,and about my silly hobby and why in the world i had felt the need to change everything around so much,or better yet,why i was having fantasies of moving away.maybe it was just mercury retrograde wreaking havok with my mind.(thank god that shit is over!)
life is good despite business(hair,tarot and such) being absolutely dead lately(usually is at the beginning of summer) i am broke as a joke,but all the bills are paid and i have alot of joy and beauty in my life.one side effect of being broke is the fact that i am definitely drinking alot less.i am having to be alot more creative to fill up my time,you know,all the time that i normally spend in dark smokey bar-type places.it is probably more healthy,seeing as i have to cook instead of going out and eating things that i am ignorant of the ingredients in.(please ignore the lack of sentence structure there)all i all,i guess that poverty suits me.gluh,i am starting to bore myself.
back to the ole grindstone.
in other news,it has been a pretty good week.the weather hasn't felt anywhere near as much like fried hell as it usually does in june.i have been enjoying it immensely.wednesday was particularly nice,despite the grueling task that was scheduled.my best friend LL has,for many years,had rainbow coloured hair.guess who her colorist is.most of the time it is a slap and dab process,but twice a year there is another process that we tenderly refer to as the massive overhaul.the name only hints at how unpleasantly like hard labor this overhaul really is,though admittedly it is a labor of love. she took me to lunch first,and then we got down to business.
at least for the color-adding portion of the days festivities,i had boss helping me out and declaring herself my "dye monkey".it was alot more fun than the 6th floor of hell root bleaching portion of the day.we laughed our asses off,smoked cigarettes,ordered chinese food,and boss modeled selections from LL's splendid wardrobe,and tottered around on sexy-pie high heels.we were all dye spattered and laughing like drains.
when i left there,i was seduced by the smell of the jasmine and the mimosa trees, by the moonlight and the cool night air,i simply had to take a drive!right as i was getting underway, simone called.we had not really talked in a really really long time.so i talked to her as i drove my little circuit around the city.it felt like old times,like no time had passed at all.it was great.
when i got home i had just gotten off the phone with simone and slid into a saltbath when another old friend (whom i have known for a really really long time) called.around here we call him punchy,because he likes me to hit him during sex,but i would never tell him that.when i ask him why he was calling me so late,he said that he was in chicago and he was always up late in chicago.so we laughed and talked forever until my phone died of lost charge.so i climbed out of my bath and flung myself into my bed,and thought about what amazing people i have in my life,and about my silly hobby and why in the world i had felt the need to change everything around so much,or better yet,why i was having fantasies of moving away.maybe it was just mercury retrograde wreaking havok with my mind.(thank god that shit is over!)
life is good despite business(hair,tarot and such) being absolutely dead lately(usually is at the beginning of summer) i am broke as a joke,but all the bills are paid and i have alot of joy and beauty in my life.one side effect of being broke is the fact that i am definitely drinking alot less.i am having to be alot more creative to fill up my time,you know,all the time that i normally spend in dark smokey bar-type places.it is probably more healthy,seeing as i have to cook instead of going out and eating things that i am ignorant of the ingredients in.(please ignore the lack of sentence structure there)all i all,i guess that poverty suits me.gluh,i am starting to bore myself.
back to the ole grindstone.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
sunglasses and kingcake babies....
that is what i find at the bottom of every purse that i pull out of my closet to change my stuff into.usually i score a lighter and an handful of pennies as well,but always the sunglasses and the king cake babies.what i wonder is where all the babies are coming from.i will attest that i always manage to eat a piece of king cake every year for mardi gras.....but to amass that many babies is kinda incredible,and yet there they are lurking in the bottom of all my bags.
so anyways....i am soooo worn out from this weekend.i got to see a bunch of interesting people though.on friday night it was all stormy,and i overcame the urge to stay in my dry little studio,i wrangled up boss and we went to hang at my friend mike's house.my girl LaLa was over there with her man,mr.eddie.later on mo(another friend of mine from way way back in the day whom i had not seen in a dog's age)showed up and we ended up talking crazy about lionel ritchie's video for hello(basically a debate about who was stalking who in that situation) and german engineering and mo and i did the whole crashcart down memory lane thing.boss was off the chain,rather excitable and feeling rather KABOOM(she had been drinking with a viking juggernaut earlier in the evening).mo was being hilarious(as per usual,he is a comic) and watching the two of them interact was ridiculous.
saturday i woke up kinda late,but managed to get all my errands done.i also was feeling kinda like an ass for ignoring that dame lately,so i decided to go to lunch with her at my favorite mexican(right now)but she brought that guy that is living with her.she's madly in love with him,and he's platonically sharing her bed.i don't get it.he's not all that interesting,he isn't all that handsome.but she is not exactly known for her taste in men.basically they sat there bitching about how much they hate memphis.i will admit that i had been thinking about moving away,but in that moment i realized that i really love this city.i got a little bit "feh" at them for running it down like they were.i was thinking "THEN FUCKING LEAVE!!!" it's kind of like the way that brothers and sisters will tease eachother,but let someone else talk shit about them and suddenly those are fightin words.that is the way i feel about memphis.the one bright point is that they has one of his friends there.some really cheerful gypsy punk type from the bay area.he was a doll and our side of the booth was a rather merry place.their side of the booth was all dour bitching.after lunch i took the dame with me to the beauty supply store.she is on the warpath to do something different with her hair.at this point she is doing something that i told her was a bad idea,but she is the type to do it anyways.at least i am not the one doing it.after the debacle of her wanting to go blonde a couple of years ago,i refuse to attempt anything that i have reservations about.eventually i dropped her off at her place and she seemed a bit pissy at me.i am really really okay with that.
last night was insane once i caught up with all the ladies late.we decided to go out to earnestine and hazel's.it's one of my favorite bars downtown.it used to be a brothel.we were going down there to meet up with shadow and some friends of his in from out of town.we thought that he had already gotten the wifey safely home to bed(so we wouldn't have to suffer her exsistance) but no,it was unfortunate,but there she was.she bitched about having nausea because she is taking chantix and still smoking,so they were leaving.my sisters and i did manage to hijack the seattle chick out of their entourage though.she stayed out with us and we listened to all this fantastic old soul on the juke box.we split a soul burger and drank and talked shit and danced.i needed a night out with my sisters.i felt bad for shadow that he had to go home with that bitch wife of his,but he is the one who stays in that nightmare of a marriage.oh well.
so today i have done nothing.i took a long bath,i gave myself a manicure.i lounged around my house and read until it was time to come to work.feh.at least i had an interesting weekend.
so anyways....i am soooo worn out from this weekend.i got to see a bunch of interesting people though.on friday night it was all stormy,and i overcame the urge to stay in my dry little studio,i wrangled up boss and we went to hang at my friend mike's house.my girl LaLa was over there with her man,mr.eddie.later on mo(another friend of mine from way way back in the day whom i had not seen in a dog's age)showed up and we ended up talking crazy about lionel ritchie's video for hello(basically a debate about who was stalking who in that situation) and german engineering and mo and i did the whole crashcart down memory lane thing.boss was off the chain,rather excitable and feeling rather KABOOM(she had been drinking with a viking juggernaut earlier in the evening).mo was being hilarious(as per usual,he is a comic) and watching the two of them interact was ridiculous.
saturday i woke up kinda late,but managed to get all my errands done.i also was feeling kinda like an ass for ignoring that dame lately,so i decided to go to lunch with her at my favorite mexican(right now)but she brought that guy that is living with her.she's madly in love with him,and he's platonically sharing her bed.i don't get it.he's not all that interesting,he isn't all that handsome.but she is not exactly known for her taste in men.basically they sat there bitching about how much they hate memphis.i will admit that i had been thinking about moving away,but in that moment i realized that i really love this city.i got a little bit "feh" at them for running it down like they were.i was thinking "THEN FUCKING LEAVE!!!" it's kind of like the way that brothers and sisters will tease eachother,but let someone else talk shit about them and suddenly those are fightin words.that is the way i feel about memphis.the one bright point is that they has one of his friends there.some really cheerful gypsy punk type from the bay area.he was a doll and our side of the booth was a rather merry place.their side of the booth was all dour bitching.after lunch i took the dame with me to the beauty supply store.she is on the warpath to do something different with her hair.at this point she is doing something that i told her was a bad idea,but she is the type to do it anyways.at least i am not the one doing it.after the debacle of her wanting to go blonde a couple of years ago,i refuse to attempt anything that i have reservations about.eventually i dropped her off at her place and she seemed a bit pissy at me.i am really really okay with that.
last night was insane once i caught up with all the ladies late.we decided to go out to earnestine and hazel's.it's one of my favorite bars downtown.it used to be a brothel.we were going down there to meet up with shadow and some friends of his in from out of town.we thought that he had already gotten the wifey safely home to bed(so we wouldn't have to suffer her exsistance) but no,it was unfortunate,but there she was.she bitched about having nausea because she is taking chantix and still smoking,so they were leaving.my sisters and i did manage to hijack the seattle chick out of their entourage though.she stayed out with us and we listened to all this fantastic old soul on the juke box.we split a soul burger and drank and talked shit and danced.i needed a night out with my sisters.i felt bad for shadow that he had to go home with that bitch wife of his,but he is the one who stays in that nightmare of a marriage.oh well.
so today i have done nothing.i took a long bath,i gave myself a manicure.i lounged around my house and read until it was time to come to work.feh.at least i had an interesting weekend.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
liquified....
i am almost an inanimate object at this point in my life.i have spent the past week watching seasons 4,5,and six of sex in the city,preparing for the viewing of the movie.you must understand that i am doing this for one of my best friends,her name is deb and only she could actually get me to watch THAT much sex in the city.i had lost interest somewhere during the third season,also about the time that deb and i moved into the "living apart" part of our long and illustrious friendship.(i have known her since i was a sophomore in high school) back when she and i lived together,we both worked day jobs and we watched SITC and friends before we went to bed.it was like an off switch for my brain.everyone has a superpower.hers was getting me to watch television.
i have never been a television person.when i was a little girl,i was not allowed to watch much in the way of television,mostly because my brother(three years my senior) was allowed to,and he had turned into a complete zombie,and my parents didn't want to make the same mistake twice.as a result,i was speaking and reading before he was. by the time i was old enough to rebel,i was hanging out with these anarchist gutter punk types telling me that television was a tool of the government to keep the masses pacified.i took this to heart.
in the first apartment that i shared with a number of other people,i had the only television.it was for my vcr.i love movies(they have a beginning and an end,at which time to go on to do something else with yourself after) it was an old beat up thing,and i tuned the uhf and vhf knobs to the point where no channels came in.i told all my roommates it was broken.it took them six months to figure out that i was bluffing. then i ended up actually trashing the thing in an effort to stem the tide of stupidity reigning in the household.yanked the cord right out,then made like there had been a very tragic accident.no one else in residence was amused.
back to the matter at hand.i have become a shut in,trying to catch up on the seasons that i didn't bother to watch.deb loaned them to me en masse about a week ago and told me to get cracking,because she had planned out the night for us to go to the movie,and where,and all this and it seemed like an awful lot of research and hard work,so i agreed.she likes to talk about the plot lines,so i couldn't cheat.
all this being said i think that maybe i am just not that girly.i mean i understand the concept of dating and heartbreak and the need for an amazing core group of women in ones life.but alot of the drama is basically about them being shallow.about them looking for something to be wrong with everything.wtf?i guess that in a way i am thankful that i got frogmarched through this parade of cynicism and really bad apparel.it has made me think about alot of things.i have realized that i am happy that my girl-friends have amazing depth and can look past all matter of faults to find beauty in most everything.i am happy that i am not in a place in my life where all i can think about it getting married and having babies.i am also glad that no one and i mean NO ONE could ever,ever get me to wear a flower the size of me head over one of my tits.ok?
at least i got something out of this.....other than making deb a very very happy lady.silly silly creature that she is.
i have never been a television person.when i was a little girl,i was not allowed to watch much in the way of television,mostly because my brother(three years my senior) was allowed to,and he had turned into a complete zombie,and my parents didn't want to make the same mistake twice.as a result,i was speaking and reading before he was. by the time i was old enough to rebel,i was hanging out with these anarchist gutter punk types telling me that television was a tool of the government to keep the masses pacified.i took this to heart.
in the first apartment that i shared with a number of other people,i had the only television.it was for my vcr.i love movies(they have a beginning and an end,at which time to go on to do something else with yourself after) it was an old beat up thing,and i tuned the uhf and vhf knobs to the point where no channels came in.i told all my roommates it was broken.it took them six months to figure out that i was bluffing. then i ended up actually trashing the thing in an effort to stem the tide of stupidity reigning in the household.yanked the cord right out,then made like there had been a very tragic accident.no one else in residence was amused.
back to the matter at hand.i have become a shut in,trying to catch up on the seasons that i didn't bother to watch.deb loaned them to me en masse about a week ago and told me to get cracking,because she had planned out the night for us to go to the movie,and where,and all this and it seemed like an awful lot of research and hard work,so i agreed.she likes to talk about the plot lines,so i couldn't cheat.
all this being said i think that maybe i am just not that girly.i mean i understand the concept of dating and heartbreak and the need for an amazing core group of women in ones life.but alot of the drama is basically about them being shallow.about them looking for something to be wrong with everything.wtf?i guess that in a way i am thankful that i got frogmarched through this parade of cynicism and really bad apparel.it has made me think about alot of things.i have realized that i am happy that my girl-friends have amazing depth and can look past all matter of faults to find beauty in most everything.i am happy that i am not in a place in my life where all i can think about it getting married and having babies.i am also glad that no one and i mean NO ONE could ever,ever get me to wear a flower the size of me head over one of my tits.ok?
at least i got something out of this.....other than making deb a very very happy lady.silly silly creature that she is.
Friday, June 6, 2008
under the crescent moon
i was feeling all MEH about losing my evening to work.i had been having such a good time until i had to come in for my shift this afternoon.i got to spend some time with one of my favorite people in the world.M is one of those people that you might not see for ages and ages,then when you do manage to get together,it is like no time has passed at all.she called me out of the blue while i was in the bath last night,telling me that she was at a bar,and all her friends had gone home and she wasn't done yet and that we needed to go out for a cocktail,so i agreed to meet her at the neighborhood bar.
i got there before her,and sat at the bar,cause the bartender is hilarious,and i thought i was perfectly safe from anyone encroaching on me until she showed,sitting with strangers and all,turns out the cute one is talky and the one beside me knows me from years and years back when i lived in this insane boarding house.understand that this was no ordinary boarding house,it was a house of complete insanity.but that is a story for another day....
so after being spotted,M showed up promptly and saved me.she is a wonderful human being,and made the talky boy and the guy who knew me from insanity house move down the bar to accomodate her,and we drank and contemplated the best pool to sneak into.in the end we agreed to meet for lunch today.so we went to lunch and went shopping today before i came in to work.i was not pleased to have my pleasant day interrupted.
i was getting into a kinda finky mood and we have been having some crazy person calling up here and talking mad shit,and we have a jerker(one who calls repeatedly while jerking off and talking dirty on the phone...occupational hazards of working at an answering service)but then i took my break,i walked outside and i looked up,and i saw the crescent moon hanging over the tree line.
it's the first night i have been able to see it in the sky since dark moon.every time i see baby moon going to bed in the sunset,i think that life is an amazing journey,despite crazies,and jerkers and people that recognize you when you would prefer that they didn't.i look around at the lush trees and i feel the heat from the pavement finally giving up and rising into the air.i watch the cloud sweep over the horizon like they are on fire and a little airplane high overhead reflecting the last rays of the sun that has already dipped below treeline for those of us on the ground and i think that it is truly a big and amazing world out there,and i am blessed to be in it.
i got there before her,and sat at the bar,cause the bartender is hilarious,and i thought i was perfectly safe from anyone encroaching on me until she showed,sitting with strangers and all,turns out the cute one is talky and the one beside me knows me from years and years back when i lived in this insane boarding house.understand that this was no ordinary boarding house,it was a house of complete insanity.but that is a story for another day....
so after being spotted,M showed up promptly and saved me.she is a wonderful human being,and made the talky boy and the guy who knew me from insanity house move down the bar to accomodate her,and we drank and contemplated the best pool to sneak into.in the end we agreed to meet for lunch today.so we went to lunch and went shopping today before i came in to work.i was not pleased to have my pleasant day interrupted.
i was getting into a kinda finky mood and we have been having some crazy person calling up here and talking mad shit,and we have a jerker(one who calls repeatedly while jerking off and talking dirty on the phone...occupational hazards of working at an answering service)but then i took my break,i walked outside and i looked up,and i saw the crescent moon hanging over the tree line.
it's the first night i have been able to see it in the sky since dark moon.every time i see baby moon going to bed in the sunset,i think that life is an amazing journey,despite crazies,and jerkers and people that recognize you when you would prefer that they didn't.i look around at the lush trees and i feel the heat from the pavement finally giving up and rising into the air.i watch the cloud sweep over the horizon like they are on fire and a little airplane high overhead reflecting the last rays of the sun that has already dipped below treeline for those of us on the ground and i think that it is truly a big and amazing world out there,and i am blessed to be in it.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
american dreaming
have been exceptionally introverted for the past week or so.introverted translates into being flat broke. however,i did hair yesterday and made enough to go out for tapas with deb.she showed up at my house after work,so i loaned her a cute skirt and some beaded flipflops,because dish is kinda like that.we talked and talked and tried to figure out something about seeing a movie,but gave up,and decided to go driving around in central gardens and idlewild district daydream house-shopping,then went for icecream since it was sooo hot outside.so we ate icecream and watched the sun go down and talked about what we would do with one of those big old houses in the historical district.after that we sat around on my futon trying to cheer up boss.she just had to break up with someone whom we have all been friends with a really long time,and we all love him,but when it isn't working,it isn't working.he's been making her miserable for a while now and this is the second time she has had to break up with him.so deb and i distracted her by talking to her about politics and history and making new habits and i am hoping that she went home feeling better.
so today i went back to being "introverted" and did almost nothing all day until coming to work.i stayed in bed way too late,i was having such strange dreams that i kept going back to sleep.i was in a house that had a really long hallway,or more like rooms that just lead into another room,that leads into another room,and so on and so on.this actually shows up quite often in my dreams .once it was supposed to be my apartment,except i went thru a door in the back wall of the bathroom,and there were several rooms that contained undustrial restaurant kitchens,then after those were a few store rooms,then a really big store that was comprised of a bunch of strung together rooms that sold all manner of things and i was testing beds,and i had picked out a little glass ball that had a whole little world inside of it.it was all very very strange.
i also still have dreams about this little room for storage that had a little five foot tall door,it was in the back of my mother's walk in closet.it was where she put all her old clothes and shoes.she would let me play inside there,playing dress-up,and there was an 8 track player with a bunch of her motown 8track cassettes.so i was always diana ross,or sometimes aretha franklin,or once in a great while,i was otis redding.i could act a fool in there as much as i wanted,and be as loud as i wanted,because it was under an eave of the house and noone could hear me.i considered my mother's little storage room my own little world,because noone else was allowed in there.also because it was the room inside of the closet,and unless you walked all the way to the back and moved the clothes out of the way,you would never know that little door was there.i still to this day have dreams about rooms with all wooden planking walls.
so today i went back to being "introverted" and did almost nothing all day until coming to work.i stayed in bed way too late,i was having such strange dreams that i kept going back to sleep.i was in a house that had a really long hallway,or more like rooms that just lead into another room,that leads into another room,and so on and so on.this actually shows up quite often in my dreams .once it was supposed to be my apartment,except i went thru a door in the back wall of the bathroom,and there were several rooms that contained undustrial restaurant kitchens,then after those were a few store rooms,then a really big store that was comprised of a bunch of strung together rooms that sold all manner of things and i was testing beds,and i had picked out a little glass ball that had a whole little world inside of it.it was all very very strange.
i also still have dreams about this little room for storage that had a little five foot tall door,it was in the back of my mother's walk in closet.it was where she put all her old clothes and shoes.she would let me play inside there,playing dress-up,and there was an 8 track player with a bunch of her motown 8track cassettes.so i was always diana ross,or sometimes aretha franklin,or once in a great while,i was otis redding.i could act a fool in there as much as i wanted,and be as loud as i wanted,because it was under an eave of the house and noone could hear me.i considered my mother's little storage room my own little world,because noone else was allowed in there.also because it was the room inside of the closet,and unless you walked all the way to the back and moved the clothes out of the way,you would never know that little door was there.i still to this day have dreams about rooms with all wooden planking walls.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
snowplough
maybe it's the fourth quarter ookie's,maybe it is the mercury retrograde behookities....i feel like hiding out.i had a crazy week,hell,few weeks.now all i want to do is read in the bathtub and dance in my studio instead of going to the bars.i want to stay home and listen to music rather than get out and find where the party is going on.i think i have finally hit some point in my life where i really don't give a shit if i am missing out on something or not.maybe because i spent years being all up in the middle of everything,i am just finally figuring out that i treasure the time i spend with people one on one and the time i spend alone,doing whatever i like.
it's like i suddenly have this need for sanctuary.normally i am always on the search for adventure.but today i am not feeling it.maybe just go for a long drive alone,listening to nightdriving music.it seems like the night for it.we were passed over by all these tremendous storms,but they brought a nice cool breeze with them,so it might be one of the last decently cool nights for driving around.
it takes me back to the end of last summer.it was the first night that felt like anything but the heat of summer.i had gone out to a fondue restaurant with my friend Shadow and his horrendous wife, M , and Teddy.we all ended up drinking far more than we had planned and we were all the way out in the middle of nowhere in east memphis.so after we left the restaurant we
decided to find a liquor store and head to the cemetery where one of my dearest friends (he was also M's boyfriend) is buried.she and i used to go out to his grave and drink bottles of wine there, play music for him,leave flowers,and whatnot.so i get in shadow's truck to follow M and Teddy in his bmw,which was driven at breakneck speed through suburbia in search of this elusive liquor store.the entire time,shadow's wife is freaking out on him for driving so fast to keep up with Teddy.i just kept wishing that i had hopped into the bmw with them.so finally we make it to the graveyard and drink on G's grave,Shadow and i ended up slowdancing to angelo badalamente
in the road and having to talk Teddy out of swimming around in the duckpond.after the drive there i declined to get back in the truck with Shadow and his wife.
So Teddy jammed M and i into the bmw and took us on a very fast night drive out in oakland and fisherville,all these little winding roads with hairpin turns,taking them at 60 mph.i was a little afraid we would all die,but M and i couldn't stop laughing and giggling as we were catapulted around like pinballs inside the car.it was at least ten degrees cooler out there,and there was fog.inside the city,it was still steaming in september,but we caught a whiff of the fall to come while careening around all those tight curves on all those lost-in-the-woods roads.on the way back we sang songs to eachother and breathed in really deep,knowing that the cool fresh air would be history by the time we made it back home.M and i trying to think of ways to take it back with us,so we could keep the chill wind like a little bubble around us until fall actually made and appearance.
i know that the summer has already started,it's going to be hellfire for a few months.but i have something to look forward to....that first day with a chill in the morning,the first night that your bare shoulders get cold and you have to dig thru the car to find a cardigan.it will come,it always does.....waiting for it...that is the hard part.
it's like i suddenly have this need for sanctuary.normally i am always on the search for adventure.but today i am not feeling it.maybe just go for a long drive alone,listening to nightdriving music.it seems like the night for it.we were passed over by all these tremendous storms,but they brought a nice cool breeze with them,so it might be one of the last decently cool nights for driving around.
it takes me back to the end of last summer.it was the first night that felt like anything but the heat of summer.i had gone out to a fondue restaurant with my friend Shadow and his horrendous wife, M , and Teddy.we all ended up drinking far more than we had planned and we were all the way out in the middle of nowhere in east memphis.so after we left the restaurant we
decided to find a liquor store and head to the cemetery where one of my dearest friends (he was also M's boyfriend) is buried.she and i used to go out to his grave and drink bottles of wine there, play music for him,leave flowers,and whatnot.so i get in shadow's truck to follow M and Teddy in his bmw,which was driven at breakneck speed through suburbia in search of this elusive liquor store.the entire time,shadow's wife is freaking out on him for driving so fast to keep up with Teddy.i just kept wishing that i had hopped into the bmw with them.so finally we make it to the graveyard and drink on G's grave,Shadow and i ended up slowdancing to angelo badalamente
in the road and having to talk Teddy out of swimming around in the duckpond.after the drive there i declined to get back in the truck with Shadow and his wife.
So Teddy jammed M and i into the bmw and took us on a very fast night drive out in oakland and fisherville,all these little winding roads with hairpin turns,taking them at 60 mph.i was a little afraid we would all die,but M and i couldn't stop laughing and giggling as we were catapulted around like pinballs inside the car.it was at least ten degrees cooler out there,and there was fog.inside the city,it was still steaming in september,but we caught a whiff of the fall to come while careening around all those tight curves on all those lost-in-the-woods roads.on the way back we sang songs to eachother and breathed in really deep,knowing that the cool fresh air would be history by the time we made it back home.M and i trying to think of ways to take it back with us,so we could keep the chill wind like a little bubble around us until fall actually made and appearance.
i know that the summer has already started,it's going to be hellfire for a few months.but i have something to look forward to....that first day with a chill in the morning,the first night that your bare shoulders get cold and you have to dig thru the car to find a cardigan.it will come,it always does.....waiting for it...that is the hard part.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
you're a target just by living, twenty dollars will make you die
i have got the lyrics to "desparado" by Alice Cooper stuck in my head.it's much better than the Eagle's song of the same name,though undoubtedly the Eagle's were the more satanic of the two bands(by backmasking terms at least)it was almost like Alice Cooper's ode to Jim Morisson.it also has staying power to rival "the devil went down to georgia" which is the ultimate song to get another song out of one's head.perhaps it has something to do with the content of last nights dreams,i think there was a mexican standoff at some point,everything had lighting like a Clint Eastwood movie from the sixties.maybe "desparado" was the soundtrack?who knows,but it has been there ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!don't get me wrong,i love me some old Alice Cooper,but really....
]
i had a really great birthday.i might need to sober up for a few days after the week that i have had,but all in all i had a blast.i got some pretty interesting presents and i am really glad that i got to see so many people over the past few days.yesterday was a whirlwind.i got up early to pick up my brother from physical therapy(i am still trying to take some stress off my mother)i literally jumped out of bed,threw on clothes and ran out into the day.
after that i ended up running around town with deb,then she took me to lunch at my new favorite mexican in midtown.El Mezcal on union.besides,i like watching deb go all bilingual and native when she speaks to the staff.after that we went visiting people and ended up at LL's house with El Chupacabra.i LOVE El Chupacabra.then everything gets awful blurry.i know that Boss showed up and took me out to dinner.i remember eating way too much and laughing my ass off at the macaroni grill(i love their bread) and boss dropping cake in deb's wine.i remember them bringing out a very very tasty chocolate cake,and i remember telling the cute little waiter that brought it,that if he sang to me that i would rip out his larynx(at least i was smiling when i said it).then i felt bad about it,he is very cute...like a puppy.so i conceded that it would be alright to sing if he sang it like marilyn monroe.after that we got the bright idea to go walking around in the bookstore.we ended up staying in there til close,as is inevitable in that kind of situation.then we all wen back to El Chupacabra until i felt like i could pass out over there,after deciding how to rearrange all the furniture in LL's house.(i get that way sometimes)all in all,i am seriously
thinking about skipping the $2 import night tonight and taking my ass home and crawling into my bed for a good nights sleep....without any olde western showdowns(plz)but knowing me,i will end up doing something completely different,depending on if i get my 5th wind or not.we shall see....
i am still deciding how i like being 33.i have been told by one of my favorite women that it is a power year,i am still deciding exactly how i want to spend it.there are so many changes going on in the lineup in my life.it happens every few years.it's been a long time coming.
]
i had a really great birthday.i might need to sober up for a few days after the week that i have had,but all in all i had a blast.i got some pretty interesting presents and i am really glad that i got to see so many people over the past few days.yesterday was a whirlwind.i got up early to pick up my brother from physical therapy(i am still trying to take some stress off my mother)i literally jumped out of bed,threw on clothes and ran out into the day.
after that i ended up running around town with deb,then she took me to lunch at my new favorite mexican in midtown.El Mezcal on union.besides,i like watching deb go all bilingual and native when she speaks to the staff.after that we went visiting people and ended up at LL's house with El Chupacabra.i LOVE El Chupacabra.then everything gets awful blurry.i know that Boss showed up and took me out to dinner.i remember eating way too much and laughing my ass off at the macaroni grill(i love their bread) and boss dropping cake in deb's wine.i remember them bringing out a very very tasty chocolate cake,and i remember telling the cute little waiter that brought it,that if he sang to me that i would rip out his larynx(at least i was smiling when i said it).then i felt bad about it,he is very cute...like a puppy.so i conceded that it would be alright to sing if he sang it like marilyn monroe.after that we got the bright idea to go walking around in the bookstore.we ended up staying in there til close,as is inevitable in that kind of situation.then we all wen back to El Chupacabra until i felt like i could pass out over there,after deciding how to rearrange all the furniture in LL's house.(i get that way sometimes)all in all,i am seriously
thinking about skipping the $2 import night tonight and taking my ass home and crawling into my bed for a good nights sleep....without any olde western showdowns(plz)but knowing me,i will end up doing something completely different,depending on if i get my 5th wind or not.we shall see....
i am still deciding how i like being 33.i have been told by one of my favorite women that it is a power year,i am still deciding exactly how i want to spend it.there are so many changes going on in the lineup in my life.it happens every few years.it's been a long time coming.
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