this is how work makes me feel tonight!!!!

Take the Ride

I have been waking up obscenely early since moving into Clark House.I am trying to find good ways to fill the time that I should be sleeping.This morning I watched "Buy the Ticket,Take the Ride".It could have been a real downer,but instead I thought about how I was influenced in my youth by the man.I remember reading his books when I was in junior high.I borrowed them from this boy that lived a few blocks away from my grandparents.He was in highschool and he would get me high in the rumpus room of his parent's house while playing Rush and old Pink Floyd. He got me hooked on two things.....space music and Hunter Thompson's writing.I was probably too young for that type thing,but in my home town,you are really never too young for anything.
I remember being so impressed with the wide open narrative...the immediacy of these events that had happened when I had been only a child,or the thought of a child.Granted,it seemed alot more recent back then,seeing as it was about 20 years ago.I realized that literature was not just what I was given to read,it was whatever I could get my hands on.His books were the ones that led me to read so many other works that changed the way that I saw my life ahead of me.He and Henry Miller were the authors that allowed me to walk away from childhood with no illusions about the nature of man.

I guess that I don't really begrudge him the way that he died.I guess that it's a rather roman way to think about the concept of life and death.I think that he knew when he was done.I think that it is your right to die off when you choose,if you truly believe that you have lived a full life. It's paradoxical though,because on the other side of the coin,when someone chooses to die because their life didn't live up to their expectations,I see it as cowardly and pathetic.It's all about the perspective,though it cannot be broken down into right and wrong.

**I have to say that I believe that my itunes (which stays permanently on shuffle) has some kind of higher intelligence.about halfway through this entry,it spewed out "Lawyers,Guns & Money" by Warren Zevon. But then,it does this shit all the time.****

kings of oblivion....

Life got turned upside down.I have been living in a box fort,but unpacking is going on at a reasonable pace and I am starting to feel at home.I think I had a mini breakdown somewhere in the middle of it all and I had to remember who I am.Venus is going retrograde today and I am hoping that it doesn't bring any super-freaky,untoward events.All in all life is progressing as it is meant to and I am trying to remember that all things pass and I will be stronger for having the experience.That is about it.

it's a one time thing,it just happens alot....

the last week or so has been equal parts social hurricane and fucking nightmare.There have also been a few moments when I recieved a shot of enlightenment.That is what the realizations felt like,a shot of really serious whiskey,in that it made me feel warm and like I was choking at the same time.One of these realizations was that I have not been paying attention at all.I have been running at top speed trying to cover so amny bases that I have been ignoring the one thing that has saved my ass more that all other things combined....my intuition. whuh....

So last wednesday morning,I was sitting at home and just chilling,waiting around for my client to show,so I could make some cash since I was seriously flat broke.Right before her appt time LL shows up at my place,she had to leave work because she was too high strung to deal with the children.She told her principle that she might start snatching up children,and she wanted to keep her job,so he set her loose.Then Boss shows up raging about the Shadow situation.Then my client shows up to get her hair done,and she's a shaking wreck because while she was waiting at the intersection by my house a branch fell on top of her car.

from there on it has been a mad house.I dealt with court for my poor car that won't pass inspection,Basically putting it off for a couple of months.I have found some people willing to haul my shit around next week.But Valentine's was nuts.I had to deal with one of my sisters getting very very upset about a man,and to avoid any funkiness,LL and I grabbed her from SSG and took her on a tour of the city that involved herbal goodness and 80's music.Then come to find out later on,sometime in the wee hours to morning,B,who is like family to me,got shot twice by some fucking lunatic neighbor of his.He's been in the ICU for days now,and I am terrible worried about him.He seems to be recovering,but it is a long road.I have all these people calling me and asking if I am alright,and I am all..I am not the one who got shot.crazy.

I do have to say that seeing him like that made me realize that my family that I have made means more to me than anything.It freaks me out that I could have lost one of them.

I am also realizing that there was NO hibernation over the winter.it was all go go go go from beginning to end really.I am just ready for spring to be here so that I can float for a while.The winter has been pretty hard,alot of work.I am hoping for an early spring.The tulip trees are already blooming,do they know something that I don't?????

a little something for carnival....

Cherise was brushing her long hair gently down
It was the afternoon of carnival as she brushes it gently down
Rubin was strumming his painted mandolin
It was inlaid with a pretty face in jade played in the carnival parade
Cherise was dressing as Pirouette in white
When a fatal vision gripped her tight
Cherise beware tonight
Rubin, Rubin tell me truly true I feel afraid and I don't know why I do,
Is there another girl for you?
If you could see my heart you would know it's true
There's none Cherise, except for you, except for you I'd swear to it on my very soul, If I lie, say I fall down cold
When Rubin played on his painted mandolin
The breeze would pause to listen in before going on its way again
Masquerade began when nightfall finally woke
Like waves against the bandstand, dancers broke to the painted mandolin
Looking out to the crowd who is standing there
Sweet Ruby Claire at Rubin stared, at Rubin stared
She was dressed as Pirouette in red
And her hair hung gently down
The crowd pressed round, Ruby stood as though alone
Rubin's song took on a different tone and he played it just for her
The song he played was the carnival parade
Each note cut a thread of Cherise's fate it cut through like a blade
Rubin was playing his painted mandolin
When Ruby froze and turned to stone for the strings played all alone
The voice of Cherise from the face of the mandolin
Singing Rubin, Rubin tell me true for I have no one
but you If you could see my heart you would know it true
There's none Cherise, except for you, except for you I'd swear to it on my very soul, If I lie, say I fall down cold
The truth of love an unsung song must tell
The course of love must follow blind without a look behind
Rubin walked the streets of New Orleans till dawn
Cherise so lightly in his arms and her hair hung gently down



I love this song...it makes me think of Mardi Gras season when I was a little girl.It seemed magical really.I loved sitting on my uncle's shoulders,catching every trinket that I could.Later on,the season was a pain in my ass,because I wasn't allowed to run the city unchecked,because there were too many people from out of town in the city,getting shitfaced and acting a fool.But when I was little it was amazing,and loud and bright and the brassbands were so roucous.I loved watching even the old folks dancing in the streets,waving their white hankies.There is nothing like it.

i've seen better days,but i don't care

this morning left me a little homicidal feeling.i actually get up early to go thru the inspection station downtown,the one closer to my house that my friend Deb insisted would be quicker....the bitch that was working my line wouldn't even inspect my car because she said it had "black smoke" she says "look,can't you see it?" and i am all "what the fuck are you talking about???" so yeah,not fucking pleased.at least on the 1st attempt,they went thru the whole rigamarole and then failed me.AND I HAVE DONE WORK ON THE CAR SINCE THEN!!!!fuckers.

soooooooo,it looks like I am gonna have to get all hoodoo on this shit.I am thinking St. Expedite, since I have to go to court over a ticket for out of date tags in under two weeks.He's got a great track record,and he's e-speedee.Gotta roll to the voodoo store in the am.

Sometimes I wonder if I am a bad person.Today after brunch,I went to visit my friend Rochelle,whom I don't really get to see all that often,though I love with all my black little heart. She is such a good friend that she warned me about the fact that my ex-wife is working in the restaurant where her boyfriend,Chachi, manages the kitchen.Needless to say,I don't get along with my ex-wife.she gave me many reasons to despise her and I finally snapped a few years ago and decided that I don't want to know her,so I moved and got rid of my landline # and told everyone not to give her my cell #.So I am told that she has become a world class alcoholic....as opposed to being just the raging alcoholic that she was when I decided to have nothing to do with her.

This is the part that makes me wonder if I am becoming a bad person. Apparently Rochelle was in the kitchen before we met up and she and Chachi were bantering back and forth,and my ex was standing nearby,so she makes sure to tell Chachi that she was going to hang out with me and he's all "good,be sure to give her a kiss from me",and about that time my ex just goes real still and stops what she is doing.WHY does that fill me with glee?does that make me a massive bitch?The fact that I love that my friends are willing to make such a display to make her aware of what she's lost....it makes me warm inside.This is not my warm and fuzzy side making an appearance,this is me being smug.Does this make me a bad person???

In other news,I am all super-excited about moving.Deb and I got Clark House,despite the fact that my landlord was totally dragging his feet and stalling,probably because I pay my rent on time and don't bother anyone.Unfortunately,I get bothered all the time by my weirdo neighbors, who have now come to be known at "the cowboy" and "shaft" by my friend Lelyn.He was chaining up his bike a few weeks ago,about to come upstairs to hang out,and they started interrogating him about why he was there.I am all for security,but honestly,I think that they are just nosy people who don't have lives of their own.Goddess bless the day that I finally get to leave shaft and the cowboy behind.

Also supremely happy that mercury went direct today!!!whoo!!!

Been trying to be patient about the whole house getting situation.Bated breath is an understatement.I have been trying to do things a little differently.go to a different coffee shop, use the computers in the library instead of at work (to avoid being written up),just going places that normally don't so that i can distract myself from the fact that i am fucking WAITING.

We actually had snow for the first time this winter.It's been cold as hell since mid-fall and we are just now getting snow.Not that I love the stuff,like some folks do.I don't get snowdays,so I have to get out in it,but it was really pretty to look at.I feel like I have been so boring lately,since I am trying to save up money for the prospective move and I can't g out like I normally like to.I am so used to going out every night.I have also been staying in because of the cold.I am not native to cold climates,and I know you are thinking.....Memphis,a cold climate.....and laughing your ass off,but seriously,I am from tropical climes and this is fucking freezing.

okay,i am being boring.WANT TO MOVE!!!!bye

from the year that I was born....

It is winter in earnest now.It's been below freezing for the better part of a week and I am already fed up with it.Today wasn't so bad,but it's the first day that it's been above freezing,and it felt damn near tropical.

This weekend I decided to lay low and keep to myself.Last week was so busy busy busy,I just needed some time to snuggle down in my bed and dream.I have also gotten more sleep in the past two days than I have in the past two weeks.For a while there I had nothing but really bad,really stressful dreams every night.Alot about war and guerilla fighters and deserts and jungles.I think that it was in part because I have been following the news lately and I think it also had a bit to do with the news I got a few weeks ago about how Jericho was killed.So I just stopped sleeping for the most part.I decided to stop following the news.If something important enough happens,then someone will tell me about it.

But I finally had a dream over the weekend.I was at college,I think,like a study period or something.I don't know if I was a student or a professor.It was really frenetic and everyone was all running around and I was dancing with some girls that looked familiar.Then I left there,and I was driving my old 87 Celica (I loved my little sportscar)that I drove when I was 19.It was so exhilarating and then I ended up in some bar/coffee house that kinda reminded me of Earnestine and Hazel's downtown.I ended up in the back room on a couch making out with this 6'7 guy that I know socially.I remember thinking to myself that I didn't want to take him home,I just wanted to make out with him for a while and then go drive some more.Then meaux woke me up yelling about the bottom of his foodbowl being visible.When I told Boss about my dream, she giggled at me and said that she thought it was cute how I equate driving cars with sex.

I miss both my celicas.the first one that I drove was a 1975 that had been modified a bit for racing.Basically it was one of my uncle's friend's hobby car,and he had gotten bored with it.There was no back seat and most of the dashboard was gone,it was light as hell and had these massive tires on it.It was fast as all-get-out and I was only 14,and my uncles thought that I needed a ride,so that they didn't have to cart me around.I was thrilled,and learned to drive a 5speed in record time.

I fell in love with the high rolling hills on the edge of town(or it was before it all got developed in the past 15 years or so) that ran thru the woods.I could catch serious air,because the car weighed practically nothing.I think that at that age the concept of danger was the most sexy thing on the face of the planet.I would grab my friend Shannon and we would ride on those hills in the fall with the windows down and the heat on the floorboard,wrapped in thick scarves,singing Bob Dylan songs at the top of our lungs and drinking spiked coffee.I had never felt so free in my life.

It made a lasting impression on me and to this day,if I am feeling hemmed in,or sad,or I just need to clear my head.....the first thing I do is grab my car keys.My big ancient volvo might not be as fast as those little sportscars,but she still does the trick.Calms me right down.I still open the windows and put the heat on the floor and sing as loud as I can,and I remember exactly who I was and who I still am down in there somewhere.

Been busy as hell lately.Things are good though and I am starting to feel alive again.I have had a good bit of business for the past week or so,and I have been making plans to play with alot of different people.I have also been considering moving back into Clark House with Deb.I found out that it was up for rental and it would be cheaper for both of us if we were splitting the bills.She has been pestering me to live with her again for about a year now.

I was thinking that maybe it isn't the best time for considering this,as it is mercury retrograde,but then I really thought about it.Retrograde usually has to do with things coming back from the past,and we have lived there before.Of course the last time we lived there we almost died,and the DEA was watching the place because one of our roommates was selling crystal mest,and we didn't find out until pretty late in the game.Then again,the crystal meth eventually saved my ass.It was a pretty fucked up week.

It started when the police came in and searched the house.One of my other roommates(there were five of us) had let them in while we were all asleep,except the meth dealer,who was likely out dealing.I still cannot believe that the police rummaged through my room while I was out like a light the whole time,and I am a very light sleeper.They found nothing,and resumed watching from across the street.

Later in the week,a friend of ours from knoxville was visiting and had brought this stuff called GHB.I had no idea what it was and since they were drinking it out of shotglasses,I thought it was alcohol (like PGA or something) and drank a shot of it.turns out that you are supposed to mix a capful into a gallon of orange juice and drink a shotglass of that.I found deb fished out in the bathroom and tried to keep her under control,which was not easy,seeing as I was getting pretty lousy myself.Somehow a couple of friends of our showed up at the house to try and find out what had happened to us.Sunshine,who had brought the GHB to town was passed out on the couch. The Dame,who is a 6' hoss of a woman,woke up when they tapped her on the shoulder.Deb lost consciousness and then stopped breathing.So SuperDave and Heffe bit the bullet and took her to the hospital.I however,went catatonic while trying to crawl down the hallway to find her.

I have to say that my biggest fear in life at this point is being in paralysis.I could think and I could see and hear and that was it.My best friend at the time,B,kept me in his lap and tried to keep me from passing out and keep me breathing for a few hours.I couldn't even say anything while he just kept telling me to look in his eyes and not to die on him.I don't think that he knew I could hear him when he told them that my heart was slowed almost to nothing.Then my speed dealer roommate showed up along with one of my oldest friends in memphis.They decided that since they had a substance on hand that could speed my heart back up,they should blow it up my nose.After the second session of this,I came to....with three men telling me "you need to snort these lines of meth,or you might die".....needless to say,it was the last time that I ingested speed,or did experimental drugs for that matter.

We all moved out of that house the next day.Deb and I couch surfed for a month before finding a place together on Belvedere.Now,you might wonder why we would want to move back into a house that we nearly died in......I will tell you.Because it is an amazing apartment with the biggest clawfoot bathtub ever made by man.It is HUGE and has amazing windows.I love the attic that I used to live in.I love the fact that there is a washer and dryer in it.I love the kitchen and all the windows.Most of all I love the roof that you can crawlout onto from the bedroom windows.It is big enough to throw a party in.I am hoping that we can rent this house!!!I can deal with being a little creeped out by the hallway.I want my attic back!

these are a few of my favorite things...

the blue of the sky about 15 minutes after the sun goes down on cloudless days.
swimming at night,especially in lakes or the ocean
reading and smoking in the bath
red apples
laughing with my sisters
the distant sound of trains late at night when my windows are open
talking shit to my cat(he takes it so well)
thin mint girl scout cookies that have been frozen
mixing up scents
high thread count bed linens (i am a fabric whore)
going to parties where I know and really love everyone there
the right color red
camping (especially with Deb)
taking photographs
living in midtown
finding and adopting things that have been used and given away or abandoned
wearing chinese doll shoes
nan goldin's photographs
driving late at night (sanctuary)
pecans
making up haiku
slow dancing
songs in french
juxtapos magazine
conversations with strangers
getting lost and finding my way back
throwing things
the botanic gardens
painting
listening to music in my studio at night with the lights out and the blinds open
talking to someone while sitting in a parked car in winter(usually drinking for warmth)
swingsets on cloudy days
the 1970's
my volvo!!!
making mixed cd's(since I don't make mixed tapes anymore) for the people I love
shuffling through dry fallen leaves that make swish-swish-swish noise
Steely Dan (particularly the song "deacon blues")
Gustave Moreau
being barefoot
the way that the air smells when I take a hot bath after I've been wearing china rain oil
calico patchwork
being alone
my bed!!!
writing and smoking in the mornings
getting off work and knowing that I have the next day off
the "house is clean,laundry is done,kitchen is stocked" feeling
stained glass windows in cathedrals
ruby port wine with chocolate or tawny port and those little mandarin oranges

2009.....rise and shine

So.I had a really nice New Years Eve.I decided to pass on all the crazy events.I decided to stay home and have my sisters over.I worked three spells and worked a few with Boss.I consecrated my new anthame that I got for Yule from Lelyn (love him)and it was a really good night.

2009 started with dancing and singing with my sisters.We made things to burn for the new year and honestly,it was so much better than going out.I just couldn't decide what I wanted to go to,so I said fuckit and stayed in.I didn't want to deal with a bunch of drunk people and tons of smoke and the risk of kissing the wrong person for new years.I don't care what anyone says,the first kiss of the year has a lot to do with how your year turns out.It never fails,if I don't pay attention,someone strange comes along and lays one on me,then my year turns out screwy.Last night we decided to forgo any stupidity and so I kissed my sisters.The last year that happened turned out to be a wonderful year,so I think that this will work out for the best.

I was actually thinking last night about a New Years Eve from over a decade ago.It was '96-'97.
I was with my family that I had before I got divorced from my exwife.We were hanging with some really amazing people back then.Every single one of them had light in their eyes.I don't know if it was because we were young(or because we were a bunch of hippies)but spiritually,I felt like I truly belonged with those people at that time.We brought in 1997 dancing and singing to eachother about love.I brought in that year being held by some of the most beautiful beings I have ever known.I still miss them intensely.

Somewhere around 2am,I got the bright idea to go across the street to another party where a bunch of my old friends were,it was this facility called Spirit,Mind,and Body.Apparently,I passed out during this process and collapsed in the middle of Cooper st.Big Scott picked me up and carried me back into the house and snuggled me into my friend Kathy's bed,I never did make it to that other party.It turns out my ex-wife had passed out around the side of the house in a flowerbed.It was a wild party,But I felt totally at home and I wonder if I will ever be able gather together a family like that ever again.

I know that the people I am with now have light in their eyes,it's just on a dimmer switch.You just have to find the switch(I can still spot a black hole from 20 paces & I have learned to keep my distance)I wonder sometimes,if I just shine bright enough,if others who shine the same will come to join me.That is how it worked the last time....and I am tired of hiding.

blue in green

She's trying to sing just enough,so that the air around her moves...

So.The holiday spirit is running rampant this year,and for once I am just trying to go with the flow.I have recieved some pretty interesting presents so far and some of them quite useful to tell the truth.I have even been going places without my headphones on,and not coming out all homicidal.Maybe I am mellowing out in my old age?Maybe I am just running around with a buzz all the time from the rum balls and the nip bottle of jager that I have been hitting.Normally about this time I have already started holing up in my house after laying in a store of booze and insist that noone comes near me until it is over,and time for new years.This year I am proving to be downright jovial.

Did spend last night holed up,but mainly because it has become too cold for life to be undertaken without a blanket and the heating pad and my cat all strapped to me for warmth.I had Boss and LL over.We dorked out and watched two of the longest movies EVER,all snuggled up together in my bed.Somehow this went on until 5am.I am just glad that I didn't have to anything but brush my teeth,quit the lights and then crawl back into my pre-warmed nest of blankets.Boss tells me her hands practiacally froze to the steering wheel of her truck driving home.Pooh-bet.

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately.Most of them are purely situational,none of them seem prophetic or anything.So I ask myself why in the world I am remembering them so clearly when I wake up.Maybe it's the winter.Like how the stars look so much clearer in the cold night, maybe the dreams,like stars,come clearer in the cold.who knows???I have also been dreaming of being in Europe(not that it would be a good idea right now,with $ so tight)I had one where I was in Ireland,and I had one about Belgium recently.I guess that at least I am wealthy enough for travel when I am unconscious.

I did get to spend a little tiny bit of time by a bonfire for yule.I was with LL,Heffe and Trevor, and the wind was cutting right through me.But I did get to have a fire.Trevor's party was pretty strange.It was alot of good people gathered there,Only one that I have quarrel with.She ended up eating mushrooms and tackling me onto Boss,while I was lit and drinking quite a bit of jagermeister.I ended up with a very wet ass(from Boss's drink) and The Perpetrator of the tackle got to sit very uncomfortably across from my and my sisters all sitting on a couch together studiously ignoring her.Other than that it was a fantastic party.We did alot of smoking in the garage,alot of braving the freezing wind to look at the stars(they have more of them out there) and alot of talking crazy while under the influence.I am hoping for a good New Years party as well.I haven't pinned down exactly where I need to be yet,But i have more than a week to narrow it down.

long december and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last...

I sat up late with one of my best friends the other night,talking about how we will look back on 2008.We decided to call it a "learning year" because it was moch nicer than the alternative.At first all we could seem to think of was the way that we had been worked over by this year(deaths,bullshit,the drama llama coming home to roost,medical clusterfucks,malfunctions,and major disasters)But by the end of the conversation,we had decided that it was just a year of learning limitations(and learning how to use them)and finding out exactly who we are.

I guess that I am really glad that this year is almost over.It's been a hard one,but I am in a better place than I was at this time last year.Maybe not financially,but in many other ways.I know that I am stronger,and I have stopped sticking my head in the sand when it comes to keeping up with what is happening in the world.

All in all,I am ready for 2009.I think this will be a year of broadening horizons for me and of finding adventure whereever I can.Life is what you make it.

why it's gotta be this way.Why do people ask what you think and then get all upset when you tell them the truth???I guess that it's that whole policy of truth thing.Fucking hell.

And we crossing border after border,We realize the difference is none

Am in a rather strange frame of mind today.It's been raining cats and dogs all night and all day,and the wind has been intense.I was talking to Boss the other day about traveling,about moving all the time.I think sometimes that the strange feeling I get,that flighty feeling,is because I have stayed in one place too long.I have been looking at apt listings again.I think that maybe it's my gypsy blood boiling up again.I do miss going so many places and meeting so many new people all the time.I know that my body would protest such conditions as I used to live in,sleeping on floors and such,but I do miss it.I was alot tougher when I was young.

More than that,lately I feel like everything is in the air.I know that it's partially that end of the year feeling.Only a few more weeks left in 2008.It has been a rough year altogether.I gues that I kinda have high hopes for 2009.I know already that I want to move into a new apartment at some point during this year,mostly because I am tried of my creepy neighbors and the evil ass parking lot.I love the matchbox lounge,but quite honestly,I think I might need more room to spread my stuff out......Or I might need to unload a bunch of my stuff.One or the other has to happen.

I am also thinking about writing a letter.....THE letter.I haven't written a letter to the goddess in a long time.I have been perfectly happy being alone until a couple of instances lately.I don't really want someone that I have to marry,or even live with....I just want someone to talk to in the dark.It's also about being warm.I think that this winter is going to be hella cold,and rather long.

you are never tired....you are just sleepy

I realized a little while ago that this is the first time in ages that I have been to a gay-bar twice in one week.I think I might be getting old or something.Last night I went to the Pumping Station for the first time since it was the Pipeline.It is quite a bit more upscale than I remember it.Patrik (my gay-boyfriend) was in town,so Boss,LL,Erin(the enforcer) and I were in rather silly getups and we went as his entourage.There was a leather-daddy reunion going on,it was all rather interesting...but they did play play some music(or at least the extended dance mixes,I should say) that really made me think of dancing on top of speakers when I was way too young to be in a club.Eventually the ladies and I ran away to the more familiar territory of SSG and danced to michael jackson and I drank myself silly.

Last Sunday I was in a little gay-bar in New Orleans called the 700 club(which I thought was just hilarious and ironic)They mixed very mighty drinks and had a really nice motif,very loungy-loungy,not too loud and had the powder rooms marks as adam and steve.They were showing old videos that also made me feel like I should be flashing a fake id.There was one song in particular that they played that made me soooo nostalgic for the late 80's/early 90's.It made me miss my old best friend Bailey.He died in '91 of aids.Back then the treatments were nothing like they are now and it took him away so fast.We did have fun though.He loved dressing me up in all manner of outrageous outfits and would tell people that I was his daughter(he was an elder queen)He changed my attitude quite a bit.He taught me so much.

I loved the nineties.I was always up to something.I was never at a loss for something to do.I think that is why the song Being boring by the petshop boys got to me the way that it did that night.It just really sums up what I was feeling back then.I traveled constantly and I was surrounded by characters.People weren't always going on about the end of the world.We didn't care if nothing came of our decadent lifestyles.We were just having a good time.I am not saying that that bad things didn't happen,I am just saying that there were so many good times that they took up more space than the bad times.I guess that it was more about outlook.either way,this really says it all.....

Now I sit with different faces
In rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing
Some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties
I never dreamt that I would get to be
The creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You'd be sitting somewhere here with me'
Cause we were never being boring
We had too much time to find for ourselves
And we were never being boring
We dressed up and fought, then thought: "Make amends"
And we were never holding back or worried that
Time would come to an end
We were always hoping that, looking back
You could always rely on a friend

I had a fantastic time in New Orleans with my sisters.We had a whole courtyard to ourselves at st Peter House,and we made full use of it.There were moments when I thought that I would drop from walking all over the quarter.I think we covered every street,and some of them twice.I should have known once I saw that guide book that Boss was carrying that we would end up seeking things out by address rather than my usual method of wandering until something of interest presents itself.Intuition is my guidebook.She also had maps and some huge computer print out with parts highlighted.I was a little afraid,but everything turned out alright.we found a couple of quiet local bars close to the hotel for the drinking.As usual,I feel like I am so worn out that it's ridiculous,but I have another few days off before I go back to work.

I am just happy to be on vacation.lovelove!

let me tell you brother,she's been sleeping in the devil's bed....

I had a weird realization and a strange memory sprang up at me apon waking this morning.It's just funny.I guess I need to explain first how this came about.I went out last night with a couple of friends to the Buccaneer,this little dive bar on a rather dark section of Monroe.One of them had just broken up with her girlfriend,two of them are blissfully married,the other(Shadow) is not very blissfully married to a woman who recently stopped taking her birth control,because she decided that she wants a baby(though they had decided in the beginning not to procreate)So he got sneaky and scheduled a vascectomy for a day when she would be out of town(today) and he was having one last night out with balls intact.It was all very very silly and we were all a little shmaltzy,and playing all manner of crazy songs on the fantastic jukebox.(I am a fan of the old style jukebox,rather than these new-fangled internet jukeboxes)

Then we find out that Pezz is playing.This is a punk band that (in various incarnations) has been playing the Memphis scene since I was in highschool.I ended up talking to a couple of guys that I used to hang out with back in the "antenna club"days.One of them I have known since he was pretty much a little kid.So we start talking and he tells me he cannot remember meeting me,that I have just always been around(I used to hang out with his older brother) eventually it becomes a rundown of where folks have ended up.He told me that one of our old friends,Joey, is now the preacher at his church.You have to understand that I remember when they were a bunch of dirty little punk boys.Now Joey is a man-fisher.So weird.So we go on gabbing until Shadow accidentally dumps a full glass of beer on me.I decided to go home and get out of my soggy clothes rather than accompany everyone to the lesbian bar that replaced the jungle on Madison.

I woke up this morning remembering(rather vividly) an event that happened shortly before my divorce about ten years ago.Joey and I had been hanging out,my wife was off somewhere drinking I think.So we went up to my bedroom and we were playing guitar and singing and smoking and talking all night.He decided to stay over and we tried to sleep,but it turned into one of those things where you just end up hot and bothered.We ended up kissing and making out,and it was insanely hot,but he wouldn't come across and put out.He was hard as marble all over(and I do mean everywhere) and completely on fire.I knew that he had found god and all,but I didn't see how that might complicate things,and I thought for sure that he was single....I was perplexed.He got me off several times,and finally I ask him "why deny yourself?"

It was at this moment that he happened to look up at the framed print hanging over my bed. It's Gustav Moreau.Salome toasting the head of john the baptist.Apparently that moment was the moment that he realized that he was in bed with a witch.This was a bit much for his newly converted self to handle and he left before I could get my wife up to make us all breakfast.It took me years to get that out of him,to find out why he left my bed,white as a sheet,when we had been having so much fun.Now he's a man of god.Weird where life takes you.I thought it was just a phase,the whole finding god thing.I figured he would grow out of it.eh.

I ended up going to his wedding.It was a strange mix of his church people and the old punk rock crowd.I ended up getting shitfaced with hooper,who was dressed like a gangster,but has good taste in wine.I was trying my best to keep from making an ass of myself.It never works out that way though.I ended up out on the golf course with this adorable little hippy girl named Tia that I was always getting into trouble with back then.We were smoking like there was no tomorrow and tripping over our dresses and heels and acting like we weren't up to anything.That was the last event that the happy couple ever invited me to.oh well.