I was here at home,waiting for my twin to return

it's just one of those days when you let yourself get really cold.you steele yourself for it and open all the windows on a cold rainy spring morning,actually it's the last day of winter.it puts the freshness of spring right up your nose,and the lingering chill of the winter.you dance and run around the house with incense for a while,trying to stay warm,and enjoying teh fresh air...but eventually you surrender yourself to the cold,and you feel your hands numbing.there is something about cold wind that cleanses you though.it's almost painful the way that it rips right through you.i love it though.sometimes i feel as though it's the pain of losing the things that need lost...let that cold wind just carry it away from me...the things that i don't need anymore.however,the cold does it's part,it numbs you to the pain,so that you start to enjoy the sensation.i know people who savor physical pain,i am not one.but in that numbed state i am better able to study the sensation.likewise the cold makes me more able to bear the emotional pain of the having things i emotionally and psychologically do not need anymore removed from me.the wind is my surgeon.

i feel like it is a way to pay homage to the passing winter,to have it complete,it's only fitting.i sit here and i shiver,but i keep the window open anyway,the fresh air is intoxicating after the warm humidity yesterday before the storm.the cold clears my head and makes me feel alive in a way that i don't understand or rememeber when the time comes for languishing in the dizzy,heavy heat of summer.there is a different person alive in me then,she will wake up after the thaw.i know that she has been stirring during the warm days recently.i look forward to seeing her again,but i know that there is nothing like the feeling i get at fall equinox,when the fall girl wakes up.today is the last day with her.she's going back to sleep tonight.