like the mines

I was consolidating some of my things,cleaning out a plaid onboard bag from the fifties that I hadn't unpacked in a few years.I found some things that I had pretty much forgotten about,but can never get rid of.
I found a Grateful Dead keychain that my friend Joey gave me,on it was just one key.It was the key to the studio that I was moving my things into on Lammas Day '93,it was the same day that he was murdered.I only see it every few years,and it reminds me of that day.
I found a collar that I used to use when I worked in BDSM.Later I would put it on whatever toy I favored the most at a given time.It took me back.I cannot even tell you how many people have worn this single ring strap of leather.It's thick,with metal plackets all the way around.It is incredibly worn in and surprizingly heavy.I didn't remember it being so heavy,maybe it's the weight of so many memories attatched to it.
I found a knot pendant that my brother Gabriel gave to Jeffe a very very long time ago.Back when they moved me in with them.Around the same time Gabriel gave me a pendant as well,which I still have as well.The knot pendant came to me indirectly through a friend who was Jeffe's neighbor.She has a habit of diggin thru whatever is on the curb when apartments are cleaned out.She found it and said that she thought it belonged to him and ask me to give it back to him,because it felt important.I recognised it and tried to give it back to Jeffe,but it was kinda soon after Gabe died and so he told me to keep it,since he was trying to work thru things and it was a really painful time.I imagine there will come a day when he will take it when I try to give it back...so I keep it.
I wonder about why I keep so many things that give me such fits of memories.Sometimes I feel like they are line field mines that I leave for myself.....but I cannot find it in myself to throw them out.