the road's alive and everybody's all here....

The fall has started in earnest,and I am missing certain people more than I can say.Most of them are Geminis.Life has been just insane for the tail end of the summer.I have been keeping incredibly busy and playing with a lot of people on a bunch of playing fields.I am so ready to settle into the slanted light of autumn.There's nothing i love more.On the first cold night I opened my windows and I felt myself wake up again.I sat in the window til I shivered and my teeth started chattering.I am still working on finding the cast for the next act.I have an outline,and blessedly,my anxiety level is dropping significantly.

Pax and I have decided to do a massive overhaul and move the entire house around.We decided that with things the way that they are,we feel like little girls with adjoining rooms,hell,we might as well be in bunk beds.So she is turning the living room into her bedroom,we are moving the living room into my studio off the kitchen and my studio will be in my current bedroom,while my bedroom will then be in the adjoining room that is Pax's currently.So i get a suite and our bedrooms will no longer be separated by only a wall and a door.It's also because I still have issues with the fact that my bedroom doesn't feel like "mine",it still feels like Gabe and Emily's room.I still miss Gabriel so fucking much,so it is very bittersweet.I have a hard time sleeping in there,but I don't think I will have any problem being creative in there and I wouldn't want to give that room up at all.I just don't want to have to sleep in there anymore.So i am excited about

taking over the entire east side of the house.

We are also getting neighbors downstairs again.2 twenty something girls,one with a two year old.we shall see how that goes,since I hate children.I know it makes me sound like a total monster when I say that,but honestly,aren't there enough people using up the world's resources?

I don't tolerate them well at all.I try my best,but I also have a mouth like a sailor,and I am terrible at keeping it under wraps when someone brings a child near me.They can't possibly be worse than the old codgers that lived down there before that would bang on the ceiling if we walked after 9pm.Then again,I shouldn't speak too soon.

I am slowly but surely making my preferential switch for the fall.I blew off the girl (and I use that term loosely,since she was a bit butch) that I was kinda seeing over the summer because she ask me why I didn't go to public places with her.Honestly,I just don't really deal well with lesbian society in this city.One on one,it's all good and I have a good time.....but when you get the sewing circle together,it's nothing but drama that I didn't even sign on for.So I have been on the search for bed-warmers for this winter.A few prospects,still working on it.Boys are weird,but I am finding them attractive again,and by the by they are much less complicated than women.

I am also excited about a party that Pax and I are throwing this weekend.She has decided to share her birthday with me and so we are having a birthday/fall kickoff extravaganza.I warned the new neighbors that it may be a bit of a madhouse,since our parties have been known to get a little out of hand.We shall see.......

Gotta go enjoy this gorgeous weather by rolling around in my bed in front of my open windows,then out into the night.

like an arrow,i was only passing through

September is a strange time,at times both ecstatic and heart wrenching.In eight days it will have been eight years since my brother died.I still miss him all the time.I was there when he died and I still feel like I was left behind.He was my other half.

I have never been close to my blood brother.He's nothing to me,but when i met Gabriel,I had found my twin.He went so far as to convince many people that we were related by blood.I have never had love in my life so pure.I haven't felt it since he died.It doesn't seem like it has really been that long.

I had been doing a good job of not thinking about it until B called me at 4:30am a few days ago.We talked for a few hours about so much that brought up many memories and I am processing them now.I think that he calls me when I have just gone to sleep because I don't have any filters then. We say everything and we are perfectly honest with each other while we watch the sunrise on two ends of a line.I guess it serves to let me know that we are both still here.B says that our ashes have to be scattered in the same place.Too much heavy shit going on right now.too bittersweet.I gotta go.