whatever you find to be beautiful and trembling with life

Woke from a strange dream to the cold.

There is something to be said for that blaze of extreme youth.It is so tempting,so easy to yield to. I am always held in thrall by the way that their blood always seems to run so much closer to the skin,so much closer to the air outside,held in only by the thin margin of the body.Likewise the way that their emotions run so close to the surface.You can see it in the flush of their bodies,through the cheeks,over the bridge of the nose.I find it in myself, the compulsion to sidle up to the warmth of it, to hear the sigh or hiss at the touch of my cold hands, to feel the heat of all that life unlived soak through me until I am finally warm enough to fall into the arms of sleep.

I need another bedwarmer.

because you're a fire escape

Lately has been weird as fuck.It's the only way to explain.I have been told that when one resorts to using expletives,it is because one has a small vocabulary.I have plenty of words,that is the only one that works.Flaubert would agree with my choice of words if he had an insider's view of my head lately.The Holidays and getting sick did a number on me and I am just now getting off antibiotics.I dream of feeling human again.But I will say that prolonged fevers will bring on some strange revelations.I am keeping most of them to myself,but the ones that I am implementing into life are starting to be noticed (with dismay in some cases)
I think I have decided that there is a whole lot of shit that I no longer give a flying fuck about and I am no longer letting them take up my time.It is an amazingly liberating experience, especially when the realization hits you as a fever breaks.I swear to gods,it was like hitting the reset button, but whole-ly created by a passing illness. Almost holy how this intense clarity grows in you about what is truly important.