today i woke up to sad news. my friend bryan, who had been fighting cancer for what seems like an eternity now, has passed on. i had known him for more than half my life. i met him when i was 16 through my friends john and linda at the boutique that they ran in cooper young. he said that he remembered me from a club that i used to sneak into previous to our meeting at puss'n'boots, but i had been so strung out at that age that i rarely remembered anyone. he struck me as such a sweet and jovial creature that we became instant friends. it was a very influential time of my life and i was meeting many of the people who would play into my life at so many varying intervals.
when i was getting off opiates when i was 23, he was so supportive. he was one of the people who actually understood what i was going through and made sure that i didn't ever feel like i was alone in it. he gave me the best advice after i flatly refused to go to NA meetings. i told him that i refused to accept that i am powerless over the drug. he told me that it doesn't matter HOW you do it, it's THAT you do it. he also told me that i was too important to let it take me down. i did not feel very important at the time, but he had a way of telling me things in a way that i could trust, so i believed him (turns out he was right) i never was able to truly convey to him how much he helped me.
the last time i saw byran i cried. i was out on a 1st date with a really sweet man named david. we were having a typical getting-to-know-you coffee date and things were going well. i saw bryan come in, and as soon as his eyes lighted on me, he came over to give me a hug. i couldn't let go of him. he was so small!! i had seen him maybe two months before and the change was so pronounced, i was just shocked. we ended up talking for so long that we realized at the same time that we were being rude (him to the lady trying to seat him and the people he was with, and i to my date) and said goodbye and i told him that i would see him again (i hate when death makes me a liar) after i sat back down to my date and about 5 minutes had elapsed (just long enough to get back into polite conversation) i started to cry. i almost never cry, but there i was making an ass of myself in front of some man i just met. it just got to me. you see, bryan had been fighting tooth and nail with cancer for what seemed like forever at that point. i had followed his ups and downs on social media and in typical bryan fashion, he had stayed to strong and so proactive. his attitude and strength of will through it all was so humbling. it had finally dawned on me that there are things in this world that all the will in the world cannot conquer. i was overwhelmed by the thought of how many people he had touched and the difference that he had made for me when i needed someone to understand. i apologized to my date, and told him that i am not some psycho chick that cries over every damn thing. david had class, i can give him that. he just took my hand and looked me in the eye and told me that it just meant that i had a tender heart (this made me laugh inside and think this guy was fooling himself) i could not stop thinking about bryan. later that night david took me on a ride through shelby forrest in his convertible, and as i watched the starry sky through the trees racing by, i sent out a heartfelt thank you to the great spirit for every amazing soul who had ever shined their light into my life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment