i had a really interesting night on friday.i was in this completely foul mood when i got off work,so i called deb and told her that she might not want to hang out with me afterall.she said that she would cheer me up and to come and grab her,since i had decided that i needed to go on a nice long drive.so i pick her up and we start out,she decides that we need to be smoking for this,and i agreed.we ended up out near crystal's(the dildo store) and deb tells me we need to make a pitstop,since she had had some casualties in her toybox.so we are in there doing a little shopping.my phone starts ringing and deb says "i bet that is matt" (since he has called the last three times that we were in there,it's eerie) and sure enough,it was him.i do not understand how he could possibly do that,seeing as he doesn't really call me all that often.so deb gets her replacements and we roll out to shelby farms and continue smoking and talking and singing along with the stereo.eventually after completing a circuit around the city,i dropped her off.


as i was driving home i got a call from my friend mike d(not the beastie boy)so i went to his place and we worshipped his volcano.it is a completely high-tech vapor machine.german engineering at it's finest.but the icing on the cake was that we were watching an awesome concert,zappa plays zappa.alot of really really talented musicians.i was very impressed,and frank zappa's music never fails to put me in a good mood.i was so completely toasted by the time i left about 3:30 am.i adore mike,he's one of those people that i can literally talk to for hours on end about anything.over the past two years or so,we have actually become pretty good friends.

so i make my way home,very very slowly.i get to my courtyard,and there is a jumble of very very drunk girls and one rather cute but terribly embarassed boy.one of the girls had taken off her pants and was running around dancing up on people,i just wanted to bum a cigarette,and was looking at the stairs up to my studio,they were very daunting in my rather inebriated state.then some neighbors came down from the building next door.turns out that he and his friend live in shadow's old apartment.he was this really sweet guy,kinda young,one of those widespread panic kids.ask me to come up and smoke with them,so i did.didn't make it home until 6a.made me miss my hippy days when i was their age.they had a girl over there that totally reminded me of a friend i had when i was 17.her name was crazy amy.

crazy amy wasn't crazy in the "wild and crazy" kind of way.she was crazy in a more spaced out hippy girl with a million werid theories that only made sense to her sort of way.she had a very gentle way about her.she was very beautiful,inside and out,but also very fragile.she was beautiful like really old antique lace....you loved it so much,but you knew that it wouldn't last much longer.you knew that no matter how careful you were with it,that it would eventually just fall apart.we spent hours and hours poring over robert hunter's lyrics and she would make all these notations in the margins.every song had some amazingly personal meaning for her.the funny thing was that she would never go on tour with us.i think she was afraid of being around so many people,but she soooo loved the music.i miss her sometimes,i haven't seen her in years.last i saw of her,she was living in a little apartment in the royal arms and had found "this cat" that had taken her in,he was older than her,and she was really trying to make a little home for them.he was a roamer and eventually left her there in the little home that she had made,with a child in her.after that she just disappeared.

anyway.i had very little sleep between going to bed at 6:30 and getting up at ten to start my hair apppointments on saturday.i worked until 4pm and then i just hung out will a few of my sisters at different times during the evening.decided against going to the show at the hi-tone.didn't feel like being in a tight crowd.

i have had an aversion to crowds since last x-mas when i went to a burlesque show that was so packed that i couldn't really move easily.there were alot of people i know in the building,not all of them people that i would ever want to actually have to encounter again,but i can tolerate them from a distance fairly well.the fact was that they kept sneaking up behind me and i felt like i was being ambushed.i couldn't run away for the crush of the crowd and i just had to grit my teeth into a semi-believable smile and make small talk until everyone shifted again and took them away from me and i could go back to just being on the look-out.after that i started avoiding crowds.i have gone ot maybe a handful of shows since.oh well.maybe i will get over it before too long.