snowplough

maybe it's the fourth quarter ookie's,maybe it is the mercury retrograde behookities....i feel like hiding out.i had a crazy week,hell,few weeks.now all i want to do is read in the bathtub and dance in my studio instead of going to the bars.i want to stay home and listen to music rather than get out and find where the party is going on.i think i have finally hit some point in my life where i really don't give a shit if i am missing out on something or not.maybe because i spent years being all up in the middle of everything,i am just finally figuring out that i treasure the time i spend with people one on one and the time i spend alone,doing whatever i like.

it's like i suddenly have this need for sanctuary.normally i am always on the search for adventure.but today i am not feeling it.maybe just go for a long drive alone,listening to nightdriving music.it seems like the night for it.we were passed over by all these tremendous storms,but they brought a nice cool breeze with them,so it might be one of the last decently cool nights for driving around.

it takes me back to the end of last summer.it was the first night that felt like anything but the heat of summer.i had gone out to a fondue restaurant with my friend Shadow and his horrendous wife, M , and Teddy.we all ended up drinking far more than we had planned and we were all the way out in the middle of nowhere in east memphis.so after we left the restaurant we
decided to find a liquor store and head to the cemetery where one of my dearest friends (he was also M's boyfriend) is buried.she and i used to go out to his grave and drink bottles of wine there, play music for him,leave flowers,and whatnot.so i get in shadow's truck to follow M and Teddy in his bmw,which was driven at breakneck speed through suburbia in search of this elusive liquor store.the entire time,shadow's wife is freaking out on him for driving so fast to keep up with Teddy.i just kept wishing that i had hopped into the bmw with them.so finally we make it to the graveyard and drink on G's grave,Shadow and i ended up slowdancing to angelo badalamente
in the road and having to talk Teddy out of swimming around in the duckpond.after the drive there i declined to get back in the truck with Shadow and his wife.
So Teddy jammed M and i into the bmw and took us on a very fast night drive out in oakland and fisherville,all these little winding roads with hairpin turns,taking them at 60 mph.i was a little afraid we would all die,but M and i couldn't stop laughing and giggling as we were catapulted around like pinballs inside the car.it was at least ten degrees cooler out there,and there was fog.inside the city,it was still steaming in september,but we caught a whiff of the fall to come while careening around all those tight curves on all those lost-in-the-woods roads.on the way back we sang songs to eachother and breathed in really deep,knowing that the cool fresh air would be history by the time we made it back home.M and i trying to think of ways to take it back with us,so we could keep the chill wind like a little bubble around us until fall actually made and appearance.
i know that the summer has already started,it's going to be hellfire for a few months.but i have something to look forward to....that first day with a chill in the morning,the first night that your bare shoulders get cold and you have to dig thru the car to find a cardigan.it will come,it always does.....waiting for it...that is the hard part.