what i had not said

It's finally over. X-mas murders me. This was the seventh one that I have had to work instead of going with my instinctual need to pile in a few bottles of whiskey and lock myself in my room for a few days. The whiskey method worked for about 15 years, so I won't knock it. Working on the holidays gets me out in the world to deal with it. It desensitizes me to the whole shebang...the palpable sense of obligation and guilt,or the smell of greed and avarice. The best part of having to be conscious for the holiday is that I get to see the people that come into town.It has been fucking beautiful this year.

I have gotten to spend some quality time with a number of people who had a big part in my development, spiritually, into the person I am today.I don't have words to explain my love for these people. If I did I would now eloquently discourse on the true nature of connection and it's eternal implications. I can safely say that it's been the best holiday that I have had since I can remember. It has nothing to do with material things gained (there wasn't much,everyone who knows me knows it's nothing to do with presents) but about talking to someone that blesses and soothes my soul with their voice,holding their hand and looking at what the world still holds together.